in my mind by Paul bundren pwb0581

Inside my racing mind 

Inside my conflicting mind

Things seem to be jumping out at me 

Out of my control 

Things don't seem to be getting better 

I feel like I am fighting an uphill battle 

It doesn't seem like I'm winning 

This disease is hard to manage 

And hard to understand  

Sometimes I hallucinate 

See and hear things that ain't there

Thanks for the few friends that stick around 

Sometimes I think I am crazy

That I don't belong 

Sometimes I get nervous 

Sometimes I isolate myself in my room 

Don't know what to say to people 

Sometimes people get offended over anything 

That's why half of time I say nothing 

I am the quiet kid in the corner 

Observing everything 

Sometimes I question what is real

Don't know how I feel 

Don't know what is real or what is lies

A lot of scams going on these days 

pwb0581- place in this world

 place in this world

it is me alone trying to find a place in this world. feeling lost don't know where i fit in. it is scary feels like a war going on and i'm fighting a losing battle. it is me alone trying to find a place in this world. sometimes i feel weird like i don't belong, want to run out of my skin, sometimes i just want to be someone else cuz don't feel like i fit in. it is me alone trying to find a place in this world. feeling lost don't know where i fit in. it is scary feels like a war going on and i'm fighting a losing battle. it is me alone trying to find a place in this world. times are changing and i am just trying to adapt to it sometimes i feel like a dot in this world do i even matter? it is me alone trying to find a place in this world. feeling lost don't know where i fit in. it is scary feels like a war going on and i'm fighting a losing battle. it is me alone trying to find a place in this world

pwb0581- bloody hands

 bloody hands

it used to be so simple now everything is so complicated. no matter what i do i am fucked. seems like i am making enemies and not friends. trying to take a step forward but instead taking steps back. no matter what i do i cant stay clean always trying to wash these bloody hands. cant seem to make peace. always trying to wash these bloody hands. it used to be easy but now it is hard. trying not to offend someone but i end up pissing people off anyway. the more i do the more they hate. i cant please everyone. no matter what i do i cant stay clean always trying to wash these bloody hands. cant seem to make peace. always trying to wash these bloody hands. 

best of pwb0581 vol 1

 best of pwb0581 vol 1

nowhere-we are going nowhere, we are going nowhere now,    it is hard to say things right, every night there is a fight we cant work it out, we are worn out, thrown out of our hearts desire, dreams are shattered, our brains are scattered, our lives are served on a silver platter promises broken, lives shoken, what is said is spoken, now we can't go back, we are going nowhere now this isn't right why do we live this way? why do we have to hurt eachother? can we love eachother? we cant work it out, we are worn out, thrown out of our hearts desire, dreams are shattered, our brains are scattered, our lives are served on a silver platter promises broken, lives shoken, what is said is spoken, now we can't go back, we are going nowhere now running back in the same direction going in circles going nowhere could we break the cycle or keep repeating the same mistakes,  why does it feel like we keep going nowhere i feel like there is nothing here. we are going nowhere, we are going nowhere now

on my own- I stare down these dark streets. how cold it gets sometimes. I think I'm feeling weak. I feel like I'd rather die. I'm alone and there is no one here. I think I'll stand here til someone walks by, cuz I need a friend, someone to reply when times get so rough and it feels  like you can't get by, when you can't make ends meet this is where I feel defeat. I am on my own and there is no one home  I am lost so where do I go I am on my own

unspoken-I guess that we can be friends I guess that we can meet again  I guess we can sit down and talk maybe you might understand if I gave you a chance but all of this time wasted as it flies by the words have been forgotten and all this left unmentioned all this unspoken it will never get said at all how funny it is sometimes the best things get left unsaid how funny it is sometimes how on my own I let things slip on by I guess that we can be friends I guess that we can meet again I guess we can sit down and talk maybe you might understand if I gave you a chance but all of this time wasted as it flies by the words have been forgotten and all this left unmentioned all this unspoken it will never get said at all if I ever see you again I want to say I'm sorry

too bad- I’m one step away from losing my nerve Please save me from going beserk There is nothing left here safe on Earth It feels like I’ve been cursed I don’t know where I am going One thing I know I’m here lost I am lost there is nowhere to go It feels like I am on my own What do you do when everything has been taken away and someone has broken your trust And nothing is ever enough to repay what was lost You wish you could bring things back to good But you can’t bring things back to good It’s a shame but we all must go on It’s too bad It’s too bad They give a F about the people they hurt  and the lives that become of them and the lives that become of us They don’t see what we see with our eyes It’s too bad that they are blind or just ignore What do you do when everything has been taken away and someone has broken your trust And nothing is ever enough to repay what was lost You wish you could bring things back to good But you can’t bring things back to good It’s a shame but we all must go on It’s too bad There are not enough answers And too many problems, Too many problems And not enough solutions too many questions and no fucking answers i ask why but get no reply can't keep waiting for a ship that will never come in

good enough-  nothing ever seems good enough for you...  I want to change But I can’t seem to throw away All of this hatred inside of me Someone please kill me It would be easier than to go Face to face with my head Oh no it goes again Switching back and forth In my head I can’t comprehend Sometimes I wanted to die Cuz I get sick of trying Feeling like nothing I do Gets appreciated And I am left on my own With no support Oh no here it goes again My thoughts are Switching back and forth In my head I can’t comprehend Because nothing is ever good enough, So why try? Nothing is ever good enough, Why should I do it for you? Nothing is ever good enough Maybe I’m moving on to something new I brace myself for another meltdown This time longer than any time before Anything I say seems to get ignored Sometimes I feel like I am half dead Is there anything to live for Because nothing is ever good enough, So why try? Nothing is ever good enough Why should I do it for you? Nothing is ever good enough I am trying to find something new

never give up- It started out simple But then things got complicated,It started out safe But then we got thrown in the crossfire It started out clean But things got messy, I wish I could fix it and make things better It started out clear Then things got blurry, It started as a dream And turned in to a nightmare I can’t turn back time To make things alright I try to be strong Even if I am losing the fight I’m never certain anymore Where anything can change when you least expect We right now could use some hope right now Cuz right now it looks glim  We right now could use a player Cuz our life is in disarrayWe try to tackle these problems alone with no help We get the cold shoulder when we are hurting the most They say grin and bear it That is what we are going to try to do We’ve been underdogs our whole lives But we are going to pull through We are here to prove them wrong Never give up! eventually we'll win They pushed and shoved us and bullied us around But guess who is getting the last laugh now What happens when you have no one left to pick on You only got yourself to blame Maybe something inside of you is hurting too We right now could use some hope Cuz right now it looks glim We right now could use a player Cuz our life is in disarray We try to tackle these problems alone with no help We get the cold shoulder when we are hurting the most They say grin and bear it That is what we are going to try to do We’ve been underdogs our whole lives But we are going to pull through We are here to prove them wrong Never give up eventually we'll win Things used to be clear but now are frayed and blurred Things used to be clean But now we got blood on our hands We lost our training wheels Now we are riding on the edge We can’t turn back now Please stay with me and don’t let go will we have each other’s backs while riding through the storm This world can be a dark cold lonely scary place no one wants to face it alone Things are unfortunately not getting any easier I feel we should hold on to eachother We right now could use some hope Cuz right now it looks glim We right now could use a player Cuz our life is in disarray We try to tackle these problems alone with no help We get the cold shoulder when we are hurting the most They say grin and bear it That is what we are going to try to do We’ve been underdogs our whole lives But we are going to pull through We are here to prove them wrong Never give up! Eventually we’ll win

disappear- how can a star shining so bright just disappear here just yesterday and now is gone running longing for the things that kept us safe they ain't here anymore gaping holes are where our hearts used to be Certainly is never clear The future is not determined Nothing is forever Everything is meant to be broken I guess everything fades Nothing is meant to be forever How can a star shining so bright disappear in a blink of an eye Here just yesterday and now is gone Running, longing for the things that kept us safe They ain’t here any more Gaping holes are where our hearts used to be Struggling to find the good Nowhere left to run from the demons that keeps following you How can a star shining so bright disappear in a blink of an eye Here just yesterday and now is gone How can a star so bright disappear How can something that seemed harmless be so bad Never know the damage caused until it is too late Can’t turn back to fix the mistakes Sometimes it is better to let it go Running longing for the things and people that kept us safe They ain’t here anymore Gaping holes are where our hearts used to be

1000 wrongs- Sometimes you have to go through 1000 wrongs until you find one right. Sometimes you have to step in the fire and burn the candle at both ends. If you want to change the scenery you have to step out of the box. The bar is the new standard. Everything is going 1000 miles per hour it is too late to slow things down. I can’t erase all the stupid things I’ve said and done. I can’t rewind to yesterday. I can only live for today Answers sometimes come from the least likely of sources Sometimes you have to dig in the trash to succeed I’ve been trying to read through the disguise Wondering through the great unknown Fighting through the pain Through whatever storms comes this way Sometimes theres no reward without pain Sometimes theres no pleasure without responsibility There are no actions without consequences Sometimes you have to keep your own head in check and edit yourself Sometimes you have to go through 1000 wrongs until you find one right I do believe that things happen for a reason I don’t believe that I am just a ghost of chance Sometimes you have to cross the line to find out where the boundary lays Sometimes you have to tear down before you start building Sometimes new beginnings come from an ending Sometimes a mistake has to be made before you can learn a lesson If you never try something you will never know Sometimes you have to go through 1000 wrongs to find one right

not love-  it is not love it is pain O baby!   It is not love it is pain. Why do you keep doing it? You are addicted to the company but when the dawn comes it turns out to be one night stands O baby it’s not love its addiction! It is not love and when the night is done you are left empty and alone You are addicted to the dick and when he cums then he goes O baby it’s not love it’s a sham its not love why do you keep coming back to the same situations You end up getting used and finding yourself alone. You don’t truly want this O baby it’s not love its fiction! Don’t fall for it. It is a scam he doesn’t love you only what he can get from you.   You should just say no and run!!!

angels- I could never heal you I could never help you I could never understand what was killing you I could never solve your issues or your problems cuz I had my share of my own I could never be the one to heal your pain It eats me up now that you are gone felt like I could have should have done something and I didn’t May the angels lift you up cuz I wasn’t able to May the angels love you cuz my heart was empty May the angels give you peace from this war down below And may the angels give you closure ease the confusion and chaos and take it all away Reminisce from all of my family that came and past my biggest regret is I wish I could have been there for them when they needed me More emotionally than physically I get the sense that none of them know me anymore I left you alone abandoned only to hear about you years later after I found out you died May the angels ease your pain cuz I was never able to. I could never figure out what was wrong May the angels lift you up cuz I wasn’t able to May the angels love you cuz my heart was empty May the angels give you peace from this war down below And may the angels give you closure ease the confusion and chaos and take it all away

you don't own me- you dont own me i am not your toy i am not your puppet i am not your gopher stop demanding all these things that you want from me nothing is for free i am not your slave you want me to just lay down and die well i am not going to do that i dont belong to you get that straight get your fucking hands off of me i dont belong to you all that you want is to take without giving back i am not down with that it doesnt matter what sexual orientation or gender i am it is my body my rules get your fucking hands off of me i dont belong to you. you dont own me you are not going to tell me what to do with or cant do with my body its my body and i'll do whatever i want with it

i have a dream- i have a dream that we are on a permanent vacation to an island far far away.  where it is always sunny and 75 away from the drama away from the hate drinking margarittas and watching the sunset and that we never have to die we never get old we can stay forever young we can be kids forever never grow up sing at the top of our lungs to music so loud it is blowing all our speakers there are no parents there are no rules we can stay up all night long and sleep all day nobody gives a fuck as long as you are having fun we can dance all night to the dj and go streaking naked there will be no pissed off neighbors to call the cops just me and you we can live forever happy ever after and the party will never end we can live forever and the party will never end i have a dream lets make it reality lets pack our bags and leave before the sun comes up we can live forever and the party will never end we can live forever and the party will never end

apology- i am so empty (so empty) simply incomplete i am breaking down and there is no one to save when i fall i don't know i thought you'd lead right through me i was deeply mistakened to think that way

and i was liable for all of the failures everything that didnt go right was account of me i brought your world down and turned it upside down and there is no way now to bring things back to good you probably hate me for my taking when i shouldnt have but there is no apology that'll ever bring things back to good i was liable for all of the failures everything that didnt go right was account of me i brought this world down and turned it upside down and there is no way now to bring things back to good if i could take back everything, if i could change everything, i would.   if i could erase everything,i would

key to my heart- Turning on wasted dead end,Washed up on shore on remote island,Never to be found Driving for miles in circles,Still lost Seems to be the same story Going home alone every time I gave you the key to my heart And you threw it in the bay I gave you the key to my heart Then you just left me to drown I guess I’m empty emotionless Feel like nobody really gives a damn So I secluded myself So nobody can hurt me again I gave you the key to my heart And you threw it in the bay I gave you the key to my heart Then you just left me to drown I should not have put my faith In someone elses hands They always seem to crush it every time I gave you the key to my heart And you threw it in the bay I gave you the key to my heart Then you left me to drown I gave you the key to my heart And you threw it in the bay I gave you the key to my heart And you left me To watch me drown

distance- maybe i need some distance from this place sometimes distance is needed sometimes distance is good sometimes silence is an answer sometimes it is better to leave and not fix everyones messes sometimes there is no practice you just jump into it hands on with no introduction i cant put myself in your shoes sometimes the distance is closer than you think sometimes it is just harder by what you made things out to be sometimes me too i tend to overthink but need to put the past in the past new day forward,ride off in the distance (just ride) just ride off in the night changes are coming

good good night- good good night. may all of your unintentional wrongs turn to rights good good night. may all of your wars turn to peace i hope you can find some source of comfort amidst the chaos good good night sometimes it is better to let go than to hold on so good good night good good night dont let the aching suffer anymore and don't sign up to be somebodys whore with nothing to gain if it aint a two way street then it is an dead end. your gut usually has the answer. dont force it. dont fight it. dont let yourself suffer anymore good good night i hope you sleep peacefully and whatever meant to be will come its way good good night i hope that tomorrow something comes better. good good night.....   good good night.

falling farther- all of this time was wasted away, all of this time i was focused on someone else. i lost track of myself trying to follow someone else (walking in thier shoes) so I keep on falling, falling farther than I ever wanted to go. I keep on falling, falling farther than I ever wanted to go,  cuz I spend too much time worrying/thinking about you sometimes I don't know how to live my life sometimes I dont know cuz I never had a life of my own. I tryed to live my life like you not knowing myself trying to be like someone else trying to bring myself back again, stop trying to please everybody else.  can i bring myself back again, back to me, stop trying to make everyone happy  while living a life thats not mine over+over again repeating the same mistakes

might have been- i never meant 2 say goodbye but time flies & passes by i don't worry anymore about the might have been cuz there is nothing about it that i can change i always wanted for things to be good but things never worked out. i dont worry anymore about the past have been i just worry about what I can do today the pieces fall everywhere I cant tell them apart I dont think i can mend your broken heart i feel like we are 1000 miles apart the confusion sets in and I feel disconnected but we were in this together we should have been able to work this out, but I dont know how I dont know why it got this way all i could say i can only be your friend i tremble 1000 times my brain keeps going back to memories that i shouldn't have but somehow they won't go away they get stuck on my mind i get lost in time but we were in this together we should have been able to work this out but I dont know how I dont know why it got this way all i could say i can only be your friend i get lost over & over again but I dont want to pretend i just want to be as honest as I possably can neither one of us were ready we needed more time to sort things out but we were in this together we should have been able to work this out but I dont know how I dont know why it got this way all i could say i can only be your friend i never meant to say goodbye but time flies and passes by i dont worry anymore about the might have been cuz there is nothing about it i can change i always wanted for things to be good but things didnt work out that way i dont worry anymore about the might have been i just worry about today i never meant to disappear but things seem that way lost in a blur fighting to fill the hole in our lives

new start- Lets get away, Leave for a while, Maybe never come back.  Drive aimlessly into the sunset With no planned destination Things haven’t been working out for a very long time Can’t force something if it ain’t there Sometimes you can’t fix everything that is broken There are days where I go in circles Making no progress I just want to be anywhere but here I got off on the wrong exit And can’t find my way back to the road the I was on, I got lost again The future is as blurry as ever I don’t know what lies ahead Days have been rockyThey are still rocky ahead I am just looking for a brand new start I am just looking for a way to get by Will you come with me Are you with me or not Things aren’t getting as easier as time goes on I have been trying to find the light I have been trying to get back on the right page I am trying to find the hope I lost I don’t know where I am going Things happen unexpectedly The future can be unpredictable Days have been rocky They are still rocky ahead I am just looking for a fresh new start

new life-  I need a new job, I need a new car, I need a new life,Quit judging me I need new friends, I need a new family,I need to move to a new town I need a new body, A new everything Some days I am like fuck off Leave me alone. I just want to block off the world  There are some things I would like to change but is beyond my control so i just let it ride wish i could throw my old self away and come back as a totally different person. i dont like myself anymore. things are never simple anymore. i need a new life

ch 16-pwb0581 by paul bundren

 ch 16

never again

this love was over before it ever began i swear never again screaming from my bed this love was over before it ever begin i was never yours your words and actions don't represent me what you say and do don't define me one day when you reach the door i wont be answer it is my way of saying no

don't touch

back up don't touch you are out of bounds i have better things to do than being tied down to you please excuse me this bird is getting free from his cage this plane is about to take off without you

blow me away

wind, wind blow me away away from this place away from the pain no more sorrow no hard feelings one day you may wake up and i'll be gone wind, wind blow me away some place safe in gods hands to a place where i belong and i'll never get hurt again

stay on your side of the fence

you may think you know me one day the next day you don't allies turn to enemies over boundries crossed so keep your feet planted on your side of the fence keep your hands off me or i may have to inituate self defence i dont love being told what to do keep your dick in your pants keep your tanks in your territory or we are going to have a problem stay on your side of the fence

this ain't love

i want to leave there is nothing you can do to stop me tomorrow i will be gone bye bye this aint love it is torture you need attention i can't give i am sorry i am not the answer to your ongoing problems i have issues too that need fixing i cant fix you i have to fix myself i don't want to spent the rest of my life being your caregiver there is no tomorrow we are done. i have a life i would like to live before i die. do i need a reason why to say goodbye. i have goals and dreams just like you. i have a vision i'd like to see instead of trying to furfill yours so bye bye this can't go on forever i have places i would like to see i can't let you hold me back this ain't love it is torture you need attention i can never give and it breaks my heart. goodbye i'm on my way to find my place in this world i don't see your support in my hope and dreams you want me to fix you and not fix me sorry but i don't think that is how love is supposed to work so bye bye this can't go on forever i have places i would like to see i can't let you hold me back this ain't love it is torture you need attention i can never give to you. you need an answer i can never give

i don't want

i dont want to be hidden i dont want to be the second option i want to feel like i belong i dont want to be silenced i dont want to live my life in a closet i want to be out and proud i want to take charge of my life not sit on the sidelines and watch life pass me by i don't want to be the place you run to when you burned your welcome somewhere else. i dont want to be in a secret.

gotta keep trying

it is hard to go on but i must sometimes it is hard to make choices but it is for the better gotta keep moving though some days are hard gotta keep trying though some days i want to quit my parents up in heaven would want me to keep trying to follow my dreams so that is what i am going to do i am going to fight to the bitter end gotta keep trying even when i want to quit

place in this world

it is me alone trying to find a place in this world. feeling lost don't know where i fit in. it is scary feels like a war going on and i'm fighting a losing battle. it is me alone trying to find a place in this world. sometimes i feel weird like i don't belong, want to run out of my skin, sometimes i just want to be someone else cuz don't feel like i fit in. it is me alone trying to find a place in this world. feeling lost don't know where i fit in. it is scary feels like a war going on and i'm fighting a losing battle. it is me alone trying to find a place in this world. times are changing and i am just trying to adapt to it sometimes i feel like a dot in this world do i even matter? it is me alone trying to find a place in this world. feeling lost don't know where i fit in. it is scary feels like a war going on and i'm fighting a losing battle. it is me alone trying to find a place in this world

look out for number one

i cant let you drag me down. i cant let you pull me under. sorry if i cut you off. i gotta look out for myself before i can look out for others. this show is over before it starts. i dont want to play the part of a losing game. sorry not sorry i got look out for number one. got no time to waste. tomorrow is not promised. birds drop out of the sky. i cant let you control me. i have to take charge of my destiny. got no more time to waste. i have to look out for myself. i have look out for number one. sorry if i sound selfish i have to look out for myself cuz if i dont who else will. people looking for favors without giving back no offense but i am like fuck that. from here on out i have to look out for myself. i have look out for number one.

bloody hands

it used to be so simple now everything is so complicated. no matter what i do i am fucked. seems like i am making enemies and not friends. trying to take a step forward but instead taking steps back. no matter what i do i cant stay clean always trying to wash these bloody hands. cant seem to make peace. always trying to wash these bloody hands. it used to be easy but now it is hard. trying not to offend someone but i end up pissing people off anyway. the more i do the more they hate. i cant please everyone. no matter what i do i cant stay clean always trying to wash these bloody hands. cant seem to make peace. always trying to wash these bloody hands. 

the future is here

saying goodbye is the hardest part but it opens up a new beginning. i cant dwell on my past mistakes if i do they will eat me alive. time to turn the page never looking back cuz i dont want to live in the past. i am only focused on now. what can i do to improve meself for the future. like it or not the future is here. everything is changing. and if you dont adapt you wont last.

pwb0581- look out for number one by paul bundren

 look out for number one-i cant let you drag me down. i cant let you pull me under. sorry if i cut you off. i gotta look out for myself before i can look out for others. this show is over before it starts. i dont want to play the part of a losing game. sorry not sorry i got look out for number one. got no time to waste. tomorrow is not promised. birds drop out of the sky. i cant let you control me. i have to take charge of my destiny. got no more time to waste. i have to look out for myself. i have look out for number one. sorry if i sound selfish i have to look out for myself cuz if i dont who else will. people looking for favors without giving back no offense but i am like fuck that. from here on out i have to look out for myself. i have look out for number one.

pwb0581- words that kill

 what are you going to do when you reached the bridge you burned that you needed to cross

what are you going to do when you reach that deathbed is it too late to reverse the mistakes

what are you going to do when you reach a fork in the road you cant be perfect

some might say i have made some bad choices

i am just trying to play the hand i was dealt with

i cant please everyone

half of the time i am not happy myself

trying to make people content while sacrificing myself

checking out all my feelings at the door

sometimes it feels like i dont matter anymore

if this is the last song i write

i want it to be something special not this

physically i am not dead but your words they killed me

i don't have a defense to your manipulative games

say what you like but i'm not listening

pwb0581-alive again

 alive again- if i can wake up, if i can wake up feels like i've been sleeping my whole damn life, if i can wake up what is wrong with me

no energy 1000 cups of coffee will never be enough to pull me through if i can wake up why does everything seem so dead and gone

is there a way to make things alive again afraid to say happiness hit a record drought though i try to hide it. it is clear everything is not ok

there is an elephant in the room i think it is pretty obvious as much as you try to avoid it you can't look away

do you feel alone honestly i feel alone do you feel scared honestly i feel scared like nothing can save me at all

do you feel defeated and can't get ahead not even making it through

is there a way to make things alive again can we make things alive again these days everything seem so dark and gloom

is there a way to make things alive again i don't mean to sound so demanding but it seems so fatally desperate

pwb0581 woke up this morning

Be happy I woke up this morning 

I didn't want to 

Just wanted to go back to bed

Didn't want to get moving 

Sometimes coffee and red bull

 is not enough to get me going 

Just want to crawl back under the covers 

Not looking forward to work

But I guess I have to make money somehow 

If I had my way I would stay in bed

I feel like I am dragging along

Not really functioning right

Sometimes not myself 

pwb0581- bored and alone

 i dont mind being naked in front of and blowing complete strangers

but sometimes i get nervous talking about me in public settings

most of the time i try to be the quiet kid in the corner

cuz i dont like getting picked on

but i end up getting made fun of anyways

cuz i am weird

sometimes i stay up way too late

then sleep in the middle of the day

end up jerking off alone

sometimes i like company sometimes i dont

sometimes maybe i am not sure what i want

i think i want friends to hang out with (and not just for sex)

but sometimes i chase them away

i do know it is no fun to be bored and alone

untitled 2024 pwb0581 paul bundren

yesterday we were in a place we can understand

but now shit is fucked up and harder

we are on level 99 going on 100

this is no tetris this is real life

our lives are on the line

the future is blurry

and the past is history

but we do got right now

we are putting a chair leg on the hope button

guess that is all we got left

i am on life # 9

this could be my last chapter

what would i like my story to be like

each and every day is a new struggle a new fight

somehow i have made it by

what does god have in store for me

i dont know but i'll go in this battle with my sword drawn

living each day like it is my last day

*********************************

it is so lifeless

it is so spineless

things have gotten out of hand

now we are second guessing who are our real friends

imposters lies and scams plague society 

cant tell whos real and whos fake

everything i come to know is questioned

who are you?

i dont trust you

everything i come to know is false

who are you?

i dont know you

dont come at me with that sugarcoated bullshit

cuz i'm not buying

these days i dont believe anyone anymore

one thing is true is keep your back eyes open

and never blink

they'll come for you any second

everything i come to know is questioned

who are you?

i dont trust you

everything i come to know is false

who are you?

i dont know you

*************************

pwb0581- letter from a fan

 letter from a fan

all of your sadness all of your pain all of your anger all of your tears they are ours now 

we lost a legend we lost our hero there is no getting back to the way things used be 

we lost a friend someone everyone looked up to things will never be the same without you 

all of your songs they hit me hard in the soul and there is no getting back what was taken from us 

i wished that i could have seen one of your concerts i got your poster on my wall 

it has been years since your death yet it still hits me today 

i'll never get the chance to see the dream of seeing you live cuz you are gone 

i was one of your biggest fans 

if i could bring you back if i could trade your place if i can see you on stage i would  

i would do anything to see you again

pwb0581-dear dad

A part of me is missing 

A part of me has gone away

When you left you took a piece of my heart with you

You were my hero now i am lost without you

I never know what I needed until it was gone

I never knew when I needed a hand to hold until you left this world

I am empty hollow and weak

when you gone away i lost a friend 

I lost my hero

I lost the person I looked up to

Unfortunately now i have to be the one who is strong 

Everybody is leaning on me and wants me to pull through

I will never be able to fill your shoes

You were the glue that held everything together now everything fell apart 

I just want to make you proud

I don't think i can be half the man that you were

I wish that I listened to your advice

Unfortunately half of the things went out the other ear and to waste

I wish i could be a better son

A better brother 

A better friend 

If I could I would go back in time and take back the bad things I said 

I could have handled things better than I did

I am sorry but I can't take back the stupid things I said and done

pwb0581-sirons

 sirons-  why did you go back?, when they left you bleeding, they did it again, didnt they?

why did you allow this, why did you let them in, why couldn't you see this was a trap. yet you keep falling for it again and again

can you hear the sirons,the sirons coming for you nevermind you dug your hole now youre buried alive slipped too far can't get out, why did you go there?

you wondered alone, defiant, thinking you could recover, but you have failed and your scared, wont tell whats going on, buried in secrets, burying you alive

can you hear the sirons,the sirons coming for you nevermind you dug your hole now youre buried alive slipped too far can't get out, why did you go there?

can you hear the sirons,the sirons does this raise an alarm in your head?!?

pwb0581-doormat

 doormat- No solutions only complications.  No apologies just declarations (of war). Don’t slow down just speed up! (rush) Take the money and run!

Instead of trying to find a vaccination. You’re spreading the infection. Sugarcoat it with candy covered lies. 

How am I supposed to believe when you twist it time after time. YO!

You’re the ignorance of compliance. Doing what the man said so. to set his grandkids retirement. while you labor til you die.

do you even see everytime he robs you blind, yet you keep coming back, can't you see you look like a fool. you did it to yourself

follow but don’t lead. don’t you see youre planting the seed. 

U try to create chaos & confusion to mislead people to try to trick them in trying to get what U want but it is failing & U will be the one who ends up losing....  

UR abrasive and divisive, contradicting and controlling, but don’t know how to react when the cycle breaks in your face, YO!

cuz you keep coming back to the bed you burned. sucked me dry and left me on the curb. what makes you think you deserve me.

after all of the times you went behind my back to assist the people who kept selling you out.

did U see they didnt care they were holding U down and i am through with giving myself away to ppl who just dont care

pwb0581-end to begin

 end 2 begin-End to begin,Finish to start,Crawl to walk,Stop to go,Tear down to build,Die to live,Say goodbye to say hello,End to begin

Should I love thy neighbor?!?..  They say treat each other with respect But some put the knife to your back. Be careful b4 you cast your stones.

Cuz everybody wants to rule the world But don’t want to take on the blame. Everybody wants to play the game But doesn’t want to lose

Everybody wants their share But nobody wants to get their hands dirty. everybody wants to shoot but Nobody wants to be a target. Find another scapegoat to label Cuz we all try to act so innocent

There is some things people do and say That I feel crosses the line But most of the time I try to keep my mouth shut Cuz I don’t want to be in the spotlight

Bullies bullying bullies Most of the time I try to hide in the corner (under the radar) But sometimes even I was the instigator

Everybody wants to rule the world But nobody wants to take the blame. Everybody wants to play the game But don’t want to lose.

Everybody wants their share But nobody wants to get their hands dirty. everybody wants to shoot but nobody wants to be a target  find another scapegoat to label cuz we all try to act so innocent

We all feel like pawns trying to be king, kings trying to take out pawns, just be careful,Know thy enemy, Keep all eyes open at all times Even at the back of your head

Just remember nothing and nobody is safe and no time is promised (war4peace)

End to begin,Finish to start,Crawl to walk,Stop to go,Tear down to build,Die to live,Say goodbye to say hello,End to begin, it must end for things to begin again

pwb0581- ups and downs

 ups & downs- would anyone be willing to stick around through my ups and downs can i find balance in the instabilty can i find organization in the disarray can i find normally in the dysfunction

would anybody be willing to ride this rollercoaster would anybody want to stick around through my ups and downs

I have been inconsistant sometimes i can be good sometimes i can be bad sometimes i can be happy sometimes i can be mad would anybody want to stick around and deal with my shit

I never seem to be able to find peace would anybody be willing to take the time and deal with my impatience

if anybody knew all of the halfs and the truths would they stay or leave would anybody be willing to stick around through all of the ups and downs

pwb0581- distance

 distance-maybe i need some distance from this place sometimes distance is needed sometimes distance is good

sometimes silence is an answer sometimes it is better to leave and not fix everyones messes

sometimes there is no practice you just jump into it hands on with no introduction i cant put myself in your shoes

sometimes the distance is closer than you think sometimes it is just harder by what you made things out to be sometimes me too i tend to overthink

but need to put the past in the past new day forward

ride off in the distance (just ride) just ride off in the night changes are coming

pwb0581- not extinct

 not extinct-You thought you killed me You thought you got the best of me You thought you broke me down  But you only made me see That I’m still alive

You didn’t break my heart You didn’t crush my soul You almost finished me When you left me bleeding But I’m going to show you That I’m not extinct I’m not dead Not at all

You had me for a fall You caught me while I was blind But never again Will I take your side You played me to the left And almost got my best But I’m going to show you That I’m still around

I’m not fossilized I’m just experienced I’m not extinct I’m not dead

You didn’t break my heart You didn’t crush my soul You almost finished me When you left me bleeding  But I’m going to make you realize That I’m still alive I won’t let you kill me I’m not dead,Not at all

pwb0581- trash( the song) by paul bundren

 trash

one mans trash is another mans treasure 

what one sees as ugly someone else sees as beautiful 

we all got different tastes that is the world we are living in 

don't knock it til you try it 

here we are in a world of make believe 

we can be anything if we want to be 

never say never 

times are changing including the weather 

beautiful trash recycled into works of art 

why throw away our dreams 

try to recover what we thought was lost and could never be seen 

hope is only dead if you dont believe in yourself

pwb0581-cool stuff by paul bundren

 cool stuff- 

there's a lot of places to go in this journey of life. 

there's a lot of things to do. 

i dont know what to do. 

i dont know where to go.

i got lost in my own mind thinking what cool stuff i should have in my life. 

like ADIDAS response tennis shoes, 

everlast whitey ford sings the blues 

dont know what to choose britney christina or you.  

dont know which place to go should a go to pluto?

i dont know what to do should i sing to you?

what should i do with all of this cool stuff, 

what should i choose i dont even know, 

what should i do with all of this cool stuff, 

what should i choose britney christina or you

now in my lexus convertable 

i'm going 95 in a school zone

not paying attention to the road. 

a truck driver honked his horn. 

i just heard somebody cuss.

i'm playin limp bizkit on the radio.

talkin'n'textin on my cell phone, 

then i say "oh no, fuck " a cop is coming down the road

he pulls me over and rips up my license 

and he give me a fine 

and he impounded my car. 

now i have nowhere to go 

and nothing to do

and all of this cool stuff 

i cherished so much was just a drag

pwb0581-so long goodbye

 so long goodbye- so long goodbye if i could find you in a different life you cant see how much i need you so long goodbye i wish i had another chance to tell you i love you it hurts so much so long goodbye i keep saying 1000 times every day i cant forgive myself for the mistakes that were made i wish i spent more time with you now i dont have anyone to talk to i feel like i have taken things for granted didnt relize how much i need you now but you are gone til next time so long goodbye

pwb0581-if

 if i asked 4 help would anyone come 

if i was layiing on the side of the road 

would u run me over again

if had my back to the wall 

would be by my side or strike at me 

sometimes i dont feel like i got anybody at all

ppl quick 2 take but when i need something doesnt seem to be anybody who cares

if i was on my last life my last leg would you be my crutch or put the bullet in my head

pwb0581- cuddle buddy

 cuddle buddy looking 4 a cuddle buddy looking 4 some1 to spend time with will u be my teddy bear be my valentine looking 4 a sweetheart not a 1 night stand

deep down what i really what is a soulmate more than just giving quick fixes looking for a cuddle buddy looking a hugger

will you be my cuddle buddy will you be my teddy bear will you be my valentine that will last a lot longer than the month of february

i don't care if it snows as long as i am tucked warm safe inside with you

will you be my cuddle buddy will you be my teddy bear will you be my valentine that will last a lot longer than the month of february

pwb0581- frozen cold

  frozen cold- O baby! It feels so frozen cold what you do to me. You promise me forever then give me a 1 night stand

O baby it feels so frozen cold and I’m all alone I was better off alone than to be led by fake love

O baby it feels so frozen cold how when you are alone no one sticks up for you They believe others word before yours

O baby it feels so frozen cold in some way I guess I was probably asking for it

I never really bothered to answer back so I guess it is expecting for you to do the same to me I guess I know the reasons why and I’m to blame

Walking alone in a winter storm with hurricane winds I should have known I was the fool

O baby it feels so frozen cold what you do to be.  You promise me forever then give me a 1 night stand

pwb0581- stand alone

 -stand alone- mothers weeping after she buries her young signs ignored society of disreguard Junkies O.D. on a highway to nowhere why did we get this far

We are giving away the pills. It is like we are intentionally throwing it in peoples faces Does anybody even bother? Does anybody care? I do even if I stand alone

Walking on the surface trying to find the core of the rot in the mirror the reflection is me I guess I cant expect something to get done tomorrow if I don’t start today

Maybe that is part of the problem doing nothing results in nothing Don’t handout cheap trills to those who steal your pride

Don’t let is get this far do something fight back even if you stand alone Ooo, I stand , I stand alone, Ooo I stand, I stand alone

pwb0581-it's not love

 not love- it is not love it is pain O baby!   It is not love it is pain. Why do you keep doing it?

You are addicted to the company but when the dawn comes it turns out to be one night stands O baby it’s not love its addiction!

It is not love and when the night is done you are left empty and alone You are addicted to the dick and when he cums then he goes

O baby it’s not love it’s a sham its not love why do you keep coming back to the same situations

You end up getting used and finding yourself alone. You don’t truly want this O baby it’s not love its fiction!

Don’t fall for it. It is a scam he doesn’t love you only what he can get from you.   You should just say no and run!!!

pwb0581-push away

 push away- -how can i love you if you push away how can you love me if i push away how can we love eachother when we keep pushing eachother away keep breaking apart i am starting to believe this wasnt love from the start.  i wanted somebody to hold on to  somebody to make sure everything is going to be alright someone to protect me but i had false impressions of what i visioned of you how can i love you if you push away how can you love me if i push away how can we love eachother when we keep pushing eachother away push away push away

pwb0581- the crash down

 the crash down- should i step up or lay low trying to suck this up but on the edge of another breakown people hate dont really care and i'm afraid that is why we stand here (divided)

there are no brakes should i slam on the gas it is already inevitable for the nuclear war there are no alliences only enemies got 2 take you out before you get me

faster faster on the wake of the crash down faster faster theres no return faster faster just stop

does anybody look? is anybody even paying attention? this is a perfect recipe for a fatal disaster

tensions colliding and we are fueling the fire how much more? it is only a matter of time (watch everything explode)

faster faster on the wake of the crash down faster faster theres no return faster faster just stop

think about it is it right 4 U is is right 4 anybody to keep mongering this hatred we can't keep holding this inside it is eating us alive isnt it time to just let this go

pwb0581-with you

 with you- if i ly with you would 1/2 way thru the night i find the bed 1/2 way empty if i ly with you would it be sincere or would i be led on

did lust take over again instead of winning i was losing the whole fucking time i dont know why i fell for this when i saw this coming from a mile away

if i ly with you would i be wasting my time ending up with hearts left broken. if i ly with you would 1/2 way thru the night i find the bed 1/2 way empty

if i ly with you would i end up getting destroyed (getting sold out) if i ly with you i almost dont want any part of this

i feel like there is nowhere to turn to noone to talk to that is real or would even understand but quick to take the knife to my back

if i ly with you would i be wasting my time ending up with hearts left broken. if i ly with you would 1/2 way thru the night i find the bed 1/2 way empty

if i ly with you would it be sincere or would i be led on if i ly with you would i end up getting destroyed (getting sold out) if i ly with you... if i ly with you...

pwb0581-angels by paul bundren

 angels-I could never heal you I could never help you I could never understand what was killing you

I could never solve your issues or your problems cuz I had my share of my own I could never be the one to heal your pain

It eats me up now that you are gone felt like I could have should have done something and I didn’t

May the angels lift you up cuz I wasn’t able to May the angels love you cuz my heart was empty May the angels give you peace from this war down below

And may the angels give you closure ease the confusion and chaos and take it all away

Reminisce from all of my family that came and past my biggest regret is I wish I could have been there for them when they needed me

More emotionally than physically I get the sense that none of them know me anymore

I left you alone abandoned only to hear about you years later after I found out you died

May the angels ease your pain cuz I was never able to. I could never figure out what was wrong

May the angels lift you up cuz I wasn’t able to May the angels love you cuz my heart was empty May the angels give you peace from this war down below

And may the angels give you closure ease the confusion and chaos and take it all away

pwb0581- I have a dream

 i have a dream

i have a dream that we are on a permanent vacation to an island far far away.  where it is always sunny and 75 away from the drama away from the hate drinking margaritas and watching the sunset and that we never have to die we never get old we can stay forever young we can be kids forever never grow up sing at the top of our lungs to music so loud it is blowing all our speakers there are no parents there are no rules we can stay up all night long and sleep all day nobody gives a fuck as long as you are having fun we can dance all night to the dj and go streaking naked there will be no pissed off neighbors to call the cops just me and you we can live forever happy ever after and the party will never end we can live forever and the party will never end i have a dream lets make it reality lets pack our bags and leave before the sun comes up we can live forever and the party will never end we can live forever and the party will never end

pwb0581-see you on the other side

 see you on the other side

see you on the other side until we meet again i'll be your friend someone who cares see you on the other side rest in peace it has been a long hard road but the fight is over now let your life live on forever my friend we will always keep you in our memory see you on the other side let you live on rest in peace it has been a long hard road but the fight is over now let you live on goodbye for now until we meet again see you on the other side goodbye for now until we meet again let it rain if it takes away your pain let it rain if it washes all of your tears away let it rain pour your misery away unleash it all dont hold back dont hide what you feel your pain is real if you need a friend i'll be waiting for you on the other side goodbye for now until we meet again see you on the other side

pwb0581- waiting for you

 waiting for you

forget what you think what was me times are changing and you will be the one getting left behind i am not going to sit around and wait on you i have my own life my world is not going to stop around you so please excuse me i'm moving on i will not wait i am moving on i am through of other people controlling my life i've had enough i'll be gone and you can sing this song alone by yourself how does it feel to be on your own who do you call for help i am sick and tired of waiting for you when i needed someone no one was there just kicked me to the curb and left me to die

pwb0581-left behind

 -left behind

new song new dance new fever new sweat a new beginning this is the end of all things you come to know the future is taking control stop living in the past the future is taking control life is going by fast the future is taking control the past will never last before you know tomorrow will be here and yesterday is just a memory you better be quick on your feet or you will find yourself getting left behind the world doesnt wait on you. you might find one day that we are through. better catch on quick cuz this is a new beginning this is the end of all things you come to know the future is taking control and you might find that you may get left behind

pwb0581-the children of tomorrow

 the children of tomorrow

look out we are taking over we are not trash we are works of art we are not lost we are not confused we are not you or want to be you we are not your puppets we are not your slaves we are the children of tomorrow we are taking over so set aside let us live our lives the way we want to live cuz we are the future we are not living in the past we are not looking back we are chasing our dreams we march to the beat of a different drum we dont fit the terms that you come from we are the future we are the children of tomorrow we are taking over the world we are not trash we are treasure let our dreams live on forever we are smart we are clever we are the little shits taking over the world you cant stop us now we are the future we are the little shits taking over the world

pwb0581-perfect world

 perfect world

in a perfect world no one gets left behind no one gets put in a corner no one has to die in a perfect world there would be no hate we can love eachother we can love thy neighbor there would be no war in a perfect world no one gets hurt no one has to die we can all survive we can live our lives unfortunitly we dont live in a perfect world everybody is quick to judge everybody is sticking their nose in someone elses business everyone has mean things to say there is nowhere to run nowhere to hide everybody laughs if you fall try to crawl and just lay low dont want to be a target for someone else crooked game in a perfect world no one has to die why do we try when all that we built gets turn down why stay around when we get knocked to the ground in a perfect world no one has to die unfortunitly we dont live in a perfect world

pwb0581-you don't own me

 you dont own me

you dont own me i am not your toy i am not your puppet i am not your gopher stop demanding all these things that you want from me nothing is for free i am not your slave you want me to just lay down and die well i am not going to do that i dont belong to you get that straight get your fucking hands off of me i dont belong to you all that you want is to take without giving back i am not down with that it doesnt matter what sexual orientation or gender i am it is my body my rules get your fucking hands off of me i dont belong to you. you dont own me you are not going to tell me what to do with or cant do with my body its my body and i'll do whatever i want with it

pwb0581-alone against this

 alone against this

alone against this i am an army of one me against the world in a world so cold guess i am on my own now nobody really seems to care it is hard to find love when there is so much hate out there it is me against the world now i am trying to find a place i belong it is hard to find love when there is so much hate out there it is me against the world now i am trying to create my own space somewhere i belong where i'll feel loved i am in the middle of a world of dispair i am in the middle of a world that doesnt seem to care about your feelings i feel alone against this i feel like i am fighting alone against this i feel like an army of one

pwb0581-the hardest step

 the hardest step

the hardest step to take is the first one you have to learn how to crawl before you walk they say sometimes you have to get your hands dirty to make any money i knew that this wasnt going to be easy each day is a new challenge life keeps changing before you know time slips away you cant get back what you had i cant long for what used to be times are moving fast got to keep climbing got to keep moving the first step is the hardest one

pwb0581- find you here

find you here

i cant look i am afraid i got my own life and my own issues to worry about i am afraid i cant fix you i am afraid that i am going to find you here down in the gutter and i dont know what to do i have my set of problems i am going though we all know life is not fair and it is getting harder i am afraid it is time to cut you loose and work on me i cant look i am afraid that i am going to find you here down in the gutter lying cold in the ditch i stay up all night wondering when or if you'll come home i am tired of being in the unknown in the dark worrying about you i need to move on and live my life you disappear with saying where you are going it is pretty odd hopefully you are not on something you got me pretty scared i am afraid that i am going to find you here down in the gutter somewhere that i cant save you at this point i have to save myself i am afraid i have to let you go and worry about me

pwb0581- good good night by paul bundren

 -good good night-  good good night. may all of your unintentional wrongs turn to rights

good good night. may all of your wars turn to peace i hope you can find some source of comfort amidst the chaos

good good night sometimes it is better to let go than to hold on so good good night

good good night dont let the aching suffer anymore and don't sign up to be somebodys whore with nothing to gain

if it aint a two way street then it is an dead end. your gut usually has the answer. dont force it. dont fight it. dont let yourself suffer anymore

good good night i hope you sleep peacefully and whatever meant to be will come its way

good good night i hope that tomorrow something comes better. good good night.....   good good night.

pwb0581- chapters 1 to 10 written by paul bundren

 pwb0581  by Paul Bundren  email- pwb0581@gmail.com    pwb0581online.wordpress.com   paulbundren1981.blogspot.com

chapter#1- loners anthem 2.0-

01-intro/wake up- wake up, it's a brand new day, time to get out and play, we can swim in the creek, or play hide go seek

it used to be nice it used to be friendly it used to be safe but now there's a WAR outside hard to sleep when you are afraid paraniod for your life like everyone is out to get you

then caught in the dream (nightmare) why can't i wake up, forever asleep, can't break away, borderline dead inside, can't wake up, its like i'm paralyzed.  

can't wake up, can't wake up, why can't i wake up???  supposed 2 be a brand new day but why do they all always feel the same?   can't wake up, can't wake up, why can't i wake up?

02-nowhere-  we are going nowhere, we are going nowhere now,    it is hard to say things right, every night there is a fight

we cant work it out, we are worn out, thrown out of our hearts desire, dreams are shattered, our brains are scattered, our lives are served on a silver platter

promises broken, lives shoken, what is said is spoken, now we can't go back, we are going nowhere now

this isn't right why do we live this way? why do we have to hurt eachother? can we love eachother?

we cant work it out, we are worn out, thrown out of our hearts desire, dreams are shattered, our brains are scattered, our lives are served on a silver platter

promises broken, lives shoken, what is said is spoken, now we can't go back, we are going nowhere now

running back in the same direction going in circles going nowhere could we break the cycle or keep repeating the same mistakes, 

why does it feel like we keep going nowhere i feel like there is nothing here. we are going nowhere, we are going nowhere now

03-nevermind- this is nonsense... can you see the anger, can you see the hate all of this shit inside that I can't relate, 

its inside of my mind, inside all confined, all inside myself why cant I let it out it's so fucked up, it's so fucked up I cant even think even if I told you I don't think you'd understand or care, 

can you even see me? can you even hear me? or do you just nevermind me

this is nonsense...can you see the struggle can you see the fight can you see the demons inside eating me alive (why dont you take advantage of me then leave me to die with no reason why)

it's tearing up me my mind it's destroying my mind I feel so scared I feel so frightened I feel so lost I don't know what to do I feel so nervous I think that I am about to breakdown can you even see me 

can you even hear me can you even feel me or do you just ignore me just nevermind me

I feel so far away I don't know how to escape the pain sometimes it is just too hard to continue on it feels like i lost it all 

but somewhere there must be hope and courage to go on to somehow overcome it all to take back my lifeI feel like things isn't right why did you leave me hanging out here for so long (on my own)

where was the guidence and direction or why was I set up to fail do you even see me do you even hear me or do you nevermind me(just nevermind me)nevermind me,nevermind me, 

just nevermind me i mean nothing just throw me away forget about me like some would even care

04-judge- all of you haters can blow me cuz you don't really know me. 

i'm tired of everybodys drama being thrown into everybodys problems when I have problems of my own nobody knows or cares about your pain but quick to throw you under the bus. 

dis your effort & work & everything you put in and take credit for it as thier own

you think you own me and get mad cuz you can't control me you blame everyone else but you, while U were shaming me(looking down on me)

you think you are better than everyone else i'd like to see you come down to my level

you've got problems yourself, stop blaming someone else, you dont know me, how dare you to judge me

stereotypes and hypocrites we must bring them down   you are no better, just as fucked up as me

how does it look from the other side can we make any compromises is this world too far gone how does it feel to be different cuz we all are in some sort of way

i know everybody is strained in this hectic environment just try not to judge what you dont understand i'll try not to judge what i dont understand

i'll try to keep an open eye

05-give a damn/american dream-who gives a damn if the world dies down?who gives a damn if I fall down?who gives a damn if we all get fucked?who gives a damn if all of our lives suck?

who gives a damn about what you think who gives a damn about you, i don't,  who gives a damn about who you are  who gives a damn about you, i don't

who gives a damn if we all fall down? who gives a damn if the world blows up? who gives a damn if I die? who gives a damn if you cry?

what happened to the american dream? is that now just a lie? is it dead? what do I really know if everything is a lie? whose word can I take if it ain't true?

is there freedom or are we controlled by money greed power and fear (just puppets on a string) was there any chance to live or were we doomed from the start???

theres no hope, theres no future, the american dream is just a lie, just a living nightmare, fueled by the rich fucking the poor

who give a damn, no one does, thats why i don't, just tired, don't want to carry on,don't want to fight this,don't want to live anymore.

in a world where it feels like nothing matters anymore and nothing makes sense

06-bruised- there is nothing left here 2 call home & this shit is leaving me feeling empty & alone nothings changed just stayed the same the fighting continues & it's hurting me

I can't hold on while you keep breaking me, I can't see cuz you are blinding me, you keep blocking my path so I can't get through, i am left with this bruise it is so hard to heal

my answers are unclear cuz my mind cant think, i'm stuck on a road with so many curves, i'm here lost

I can't hold on while you keep breaking me, I can't see cuz you are blinding me, you keep blocking my path so I can't get through, i am left with this bruise it is so hard to heal

i'd like to leave you how you left me i'd like to hurt you just like you hurt me when i'm done i'll leave you how you left me black and blue (how does it feel to get done what you do?)

I can't hold on while you keep breaking me, I can't see cuz you are blinding me you keep blocking my path so I can't get through, you leave me bruised it is so hard to heal

07-broken (2020 version) broken we're broken,broken we're broken, we can never go back home. nothing is the same as it used to be. memories turn to dust.

the damage is done(irreversable)no use looking back fighting a war with invisable enemies doesn't seem to be any friends or allies

if i could bring things back to good i would want you know i would try but these days can't tell where i am leaning on whose side. 

if you lose the way why can't you get back on the right track?broken i'm broken,broken i'm broken i'm lost and cant be found

if i don't make it at least i would like to be known i went down trying giving my all don't cry for me just carry on with your life i don't want to be a burdon on you, i know you're scared, 

i may have fucked up one too many times but this time i'll try to get things right broken we're broken,broken we're broken,broken we're broken and we are all scared. 

08-on my own- I stare down these dark streets. how cold it gets sometimes. I think I'm feeling weak. I feel like I'd rather die.

I'm alone and there is no one here. I think I'll stand here til someone walks by, cuz I need a friend, someone to reply

when times get so rough and it feels  like you can't get by, when you can't make ends meet this is where I feel defeat.

I am on my own and there is no one home  I am lost so where do I go I am on my own

09-unspoken I guess that we can be friends I guess that we can meet again  I guess we can sit down and talk maybe you might understand if I gave you a chance

but all of this time wasted as it flies by the words have been forgotten and all this left unmentioned all this unspoken it will never get said at all

how funny it is sometimes the best things get left unsaid how funny it is sometimes how on my own I let things slip on by

I guess that we can be friends I guess that we can meet again I guess we can sit down and talk maybe you might understand if I gave you a chance

but all of this time wasted as it flies by the words have been forgotten and all this left unmentioned all this unspoken it will never get said at all if I ever see you again I want to say I'm sorry

10-cool stuff- there's a lot of places to go in this journey of life. there's a lot of things to do. i dont know what to do. i dont know where to go.

i got lost in my own mind thinking what cool stuff i should have in my life. like ADIDAS response tennis shoes, everlast whitey ford sings the blues 

dont know what to choose britney christina or you.  dont know which place to go should a go to pluto?(or rome) i dont know what to do should i sing to you?

what should i do with all of this cool stuff, what should i choose i dont even know, what should i do with all of this cool stuff, what should i choose britney christina or you

now in my lexus convertable i'm going 95 in a school zone(drinkin'n'drivin)not paying attention to the road. a truck driver honked his horn. i just heard somebody cuss.

i'm playin limp bizkit on the radio. talkin'n'textin on my cell phone, then i say "oh no, fuck " a cop is coming down the road

he pulls me over and rips up my license and he give me a fine and he impounded my car. now i have nowhere to go and nothing to do and all of this cool stuff i cherished so much was just a drag

11-cloud- Can we get rid of the storm cloud that brings us the rain Can we see the sunny days The wonderful days....

I’m barely holding my breath Hardly getting by No matter how hard I try I cannot get ahead  Feels like I’m slipping back Feels like it is impossable To get what I want or need

Please don’t tell me That things will get better tomorrow,   Tomorrow may never come What about today?

There is no answer that can justify What’s on my mind I guess I’ll never be satisfied I guess I’m impossible And no one understands me

I feel disconnected Someone please connect the dots Put me back together It feels like I can’t function I guess I am a train wreck Some days I don’t know if I can make it

I am lost someone please give me direction I think I need some correction Cuz I am out of line

I feel like something is missing But I don’t know what it is I keep on searching Maybe one day God will give me answers until then I’ll keep on waiting

My life is not one to talk about All the torment I put myself through My life is a raging hell Sometimes I don’t know how I got through

It seems to me there is a problem everywhere you face there is trouble everywhere you turn  But at least I make it out alive So it must not be that bad, It must not be that bad

Can we get rid of the storm cloud that brings us the rain Can we see the sunny days,The wonderful days

I wish one day we can live in peace I wish one day we can be happy In our dreams  Can we get rid of the storm cloud that brings us the rain Can we see the sunny days, The wonderful days

12wasting dreams-i spent all my time wasting dreams do you even see me fading faster than you ever believe, i'm throwing away all my hope no I can't live like this wasting dreams

sometimes it is hard to see reality when you make believe i'm hiding to a different place trying to stay safe but now it's all coming down

i spent all my time wasting dreams do you even see me fading faster than you ever believe, i'm throwing away all my hope no I can't live like this wasting dreams

sometimes it is hard to think when you are confused, you don't know what to do, you don't know what to choose so i'm hiding to a different place trying to stay safe but it is all crashing down

13-falling farther- all of this time was wasted away, all of this time i was focused on someone else. i lost track of myself trying to follow someone else (walking in thier shoes)

so I keep on falling, falling farther than I ever wanted to go. I keep on falling, falling farther than I ever wanted to go,  cuz I spend too much time worrying/thinking about you

sometimes I don't know how to live my life sometimes I dont know cuz I never had a life of my own. I tryed to live my life like you not knowing myself trying to be like someone else

trying to bring myself back again, stop trying to please everybody else.  can i bring myself back again, back to me, stop trying to make everyone happy 

while living a life thats not mine over+over again repeating the same mistakes

14-meant to be- this feels so strange why do I feel this way why must it be the way it is? I am attached to you I have feelings for you but I don't know if it is right so I back away

I feel confused  is it right or wrong is it meant to be or just a phoney I just don't know

I feel all alone there is no one at all that I think I can talk to, I don't know what is true between me & you meant to be

I hope you know I'll never let you go no matter how it really goes but I've got to know one thing how do you feel about me cuz I feel so insecure

so I stay in the closet cuz I'm scared and paranoid I don't know how to trust to me I don't know what is meant to be

I feel all alone there is no one at all that I think I can talk to, I don't know what is between true me & you meant to be

is my heart tellings lies is my mind not feeling right I seem so off all of the time feels like something is missing. there is something that is missing

15-might have been- i never meant 2 say goodbye but time flies & passes by i don't worry anymore about the might have been cuz there is nothing about it that i can change

i always wanted for things to be good but things never worked out. i dont worry anymore about the past have been i just worry about what I can do today

the pieces fall everywhere I cant tell them apart I dont think i can mend your broken heart i feel like we are 1000 miles apart the confusion sets in and I feel disconnected

but we were in this together we should have been able to work this out, but I dont know how I dont know why it got this way all i could say i can only be your friend

i tremble 1000 times my brain keeps going back to memories that i shouldn't have but somehow they won't go away they get stuck on my mind i get lost in time

but we were in this together we should have been able to work this out but I dont know how I dont know why it got this way all i could say i can only be your friend

i get lost over & over again but I dont want to pretend i just want to be as honest as I possably can neither one of us were ready we needed more time to sort things out

but we were in this together we should have been able to work this out but I dont know how I dont know why it got this way all i could say i can only be your friend

i never meant to say goodbye but time flies and passes by i dont worry anymore about the might have been cuz there is nothing about it i can change

i always wanted for things to be good but things didnt work out that way i dont worry anymore about the might have been i just worry about today

i never meant to disappear but things seem that way lost in a blur fighting to fill the hole in our lives

16-price to pay- everybody sometimes messes up they're not thinking it just occursoften w/o warning often unnoticed they dont even know there is a price to pay for every action

they dont always know, when will it sink in, I dont always know, when will it sink in, I dont even know, when will it sink in

when i knew this was going to bring me heartache and pain, why did i carry on anyway why did i go with this anyway when it was only going to bring me trouble how can one mistake cost you forever

17-caution- why is there no warning for the dangerous risk in life we take it definitly seems to me  the next move i make could be a fatal one

there should be signs warnings to alert us when we mess up there should be signs telling us where to and not go there are so many paths which one do i take

there is no warning life is a game we bet on everyday it definitly seems to me the next move i make could be a fatal one

caution! there is dangerous curves switiches and swerves. caution! you are on dead mans curve so you better take it slow

18-just stay- hey,i think i've fallen i don't know.  hey,i think i've messed up i don't know i dont know what i should do without you, without you hey please just stay please don't go away please just stay

hey i think i've fallen i don't know.  i think i'm lost i don't know i dont know what should i do without you, without you hey, please just stay, please don't go away, please just stay,just stay

19-lost poem- this rose has thorns, and the rain it pours, the sky is blue, and so are you, and i dont know if this will work out but i'm willing to find this out

the truth is that what i know or am i conceived am i confused have i fucked up people say i'm no good i feel they are wrong

for every pot of gold, there is a chunk of coal, and you pay a toll for your soul and it feels cold but that is how the story goes it seems everything feels fake

the truth is that what i know or am i conceived am i confused have i fucked up people say i'm no good i feel they are wrong

what would you do if I walk away would you feel alone if I dont stay. I don't like to be alone but I get so nervous when i'm around you

goodbye for now, goodbye forever, goodbye for now, goodbye forever we may never see eachother again.  goodbye for now, goodbye forever, no please dont go

20-denial- My negetivity has brought me for no good reason The reason is I keep lying to myself Hiding on a shelf Holding on to denial

Denial was my survival, Denial is what I was fighting for Denial is what keeps me locked inside, Frozen in time,Frozen in my empty heart

I can’t hold on that much longer,The force keeps getting stronger I feel my body caving in, The wind beating on my skin

Denial was my survival, Denial is what I was fighting for Denial is what keeps me locked inside,Frozen in time,Frozen in my empty heart

How does it feel to be standing at the edge of a cliff It is pretty hard to sleep on a bed of nails

Life as a loner sucks How does it feel when you don’t adapt You don’t fit in You can’t kick it with anyone

How does it feel when everyone is gone No one is by your side You are all alone You don’t know how to react

Denial was my survival Denial is what I was fighting for Denial is what keeps me locked inside,Frozen in time, Frozen in my empty heart

21- lights speed- even if you die tomorrow i will love you even if you stopped loving me i will love you

if you get lost i'll find you if you get weak i'll make you strong cuz you are my life you are my soul you are everything that makes me whole

i'll go at lights speed for you, i'll walk the line for you do anything to make you smile, i'll go at lights speed for you

even if i die tomorrow will you love me even if the world ends will you love me if i get lost will you find me if i get weak will you make me strong

am i your life am i your soul am i what make you whole

22-playing games You are playing games with my heart again But this time I don’t consider you a friend You can stab me in the back all that you want But this time you will never get what you want

No more reason 4 you No more crying 4 you No more agreeing with you No more playing games with you

I won’t be wasting any more time with you There will be no more getting fucked over by you There will be no more going along with everything you say Cuz I will be living my life my way without you

No more reason 4 you No more crying 4 you No more agreeing with you no more playing games with you

i wont kill myself for you just to disrespect me, it cant go down like that, i am strong enough to not let happen, i am opening my eyes and realizing you are no good 4 me this must end.

23-troubled help me, i am just a child with no particular direction on the loose help me cuz i dont know what i am doing i am so confused i'm so alone

this time i fall down, i get lost on what to say, i let myself get in the way,i am troubled, i am traped and troubled

how am i supossed to understand, when nothing makes sense, nothing seems clear, everything seems blurry, now i understand the only help i get is from myself

everyone has to learn thier own way, it all comes to me the fear in me is being afraid of me. the fear in me is not being scared of you but being scared of me

this time i fall down, i get lost on what to say, i let myself get in the way,i am troubled, i am traped and troubled trying to find out who and what i am and what i am not. trying to find out who i am.

24-lifes too short life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you are going to get sometimes you win sometimes you lose the bet

so please remember not to forget so please remember the time that was spend so please remember

lifes too short then we die so lets not waste it lifes a bitch then we die lets not waste it i said no do not waste your life lets not waste it i said no please dont waste your life lets not waste it

life is so unpredictable you never know how it may turn out sometimes you fit in while other times you feel left out

so please remember not to forget so please remember the time that was spend so please remember.....

25 -end of time i keep falling away things dont feel the same for me. i keep falling away things are not the same for me there is nothing left it is the end of time 

what do you do when there is nowhere left to run there is nowhere left to run it is  now the end of time... YO!...it's my party i'll crash it if i want to, crash it if i want to, crash,crash,crash!!!

26-new life    I need a new job, I need a new car, I need a new life,Quit judging me I need new friends, I need a new family,I need to move to a new town I need a new body,A new everything

Some days I am like fuck off Leave me alone. I just want to block off the world  There are some things I would like to change but is beyond my control so i just let it ride

wish i could throw my old self away and come back as a totally different person. i dont like myself anymore. things are never simple anymore. i need a new life

chapter#2- the constant debate 

01-opening statement-i'm just letting you know that i'm not in my right state of mind please ignore me if i say anything to incriminate me. cuz i'm not ok, i'm not fine, welcome to my life

hey, everything is fucked up but i dont care i just sit back and watch myself slowly disappear its not ok, but its alright, i'll make it anyway on my own

cuz i never trusted anyone i did everything by myself.  i never got assistance from anyone i dont need your help

i am just letting you know how i feel, how do you know what its like to be unreal???  how does it feel to be lost and unable to trust? you dont know

and if you wonder i know i set myself up to fall.  i wonder if anybody cares at all, i'm not ok, i'm not fine, welcome to my life.

02-what have I become- the perfect family?, the perfect school?, the perfect friends?, the perfect job?, the perfect life?, what have I become???...

fuck me for believing you, fuck me for trusting you, fuck me for going along with you, you pulled the wool over my eyes, i cant believe i was blind

who am i ? what am i ? i don't know, what  have i become?!?

03-let me be me- i am not trying for perfection just trying to survive trying to get by trying to make it out alive

i'm just trying to be me not tring to be you dont want to be you i dont need to sacrifice my life focusing on you

i need to concentrate on me what you you really think do you think that i am a freak well i really dont care go f off & do the things you do and let me be me

I'm not your f'n pet dont tell me what to do cuz i wont listen to you when did you became me boss and tell me (try to) run my life

try to control me try to make me do everything for you you think that i am superman and be everything to you. you must be out of your f'n mind

04-too bad- I’m one step away from losing my nerve Please save me from going beserk There is nothing left here safe on Earth It feels like I’ve been cursed

I don’t know where I am going One thing I know I’m here lost I am lost there is nowhere to go It feels like I am on my own 

What do you do when everything has been taken away and someone has broken your trust And nothing is ever enough to repay what was lost

You wish you could bring things back to good But you can’t bring things back to good It’s a shame but we all must go on It’s too bad It’s too bad They give a F about the people they hurt 

and the lives that become of them and the lives that become of us They don’t see what we see with our eyes It’s too bad that they are blind or just ignore

What do you do when everything has been taken away and someone has broken your trust And nothing is ever enough to repay what was lost

You wish you could bring things back to good But you can’t bring things back to good It’s a shame but we all must go on It’s too bad

There are not enough answers And too many problems, Too many problems And not enough solutions too many questions and no fucking answers

i ask why but get no reply can't keep waiting for a ship that will never come in

05-apology i am so empty (so empty) simply incomplete i am breaking down and there is no one to save when i fall

i don't know i thought you'd lead right through me i was deeply mistakened to think that way

and i was liable for all of the failures everything that didnt go right was account of me i brought your world down and turned it upside down and there is no way now to bring things back to good

you probably hate me for my taking when i shouldnt have but there is no apology that'll ever bring things back to good

i was liable for all of the failures everything that didnt go right was account of me i brought this world down and turned it upside down and there is no way now to bring things back to good

if i could take back everything, if i could change everything, i would.   if i could erase everything,i would

06-part of me- A part of me wants to run away, While a part of me wants to reach out.

A part of me wants to trust, But a part of me is scared. A part of me wants to give up, While a part of me wants to move on.

And I don’t know I’m on this road. I wondered so far I can’t go back home. I am lost Hoping someone can save me. Cuz I’m all alone.

A part of me wants to give in,A part of me wants to push away. A part of me wants to shut you out,While a part of me wants to listen A part of me wants to care,While a part of me doesn’t

And I don’t know I’m on this road I wondered so far I can’t go back home I am lost Hoping someone can save me Cuz I’m all alone And I don’t know what I want anymore

I waste away, By myself, Incomplete, Only a part of me

I hope someone can save me Cuz I’m falling apart I can’t tell who I am from the start I’ve fallen back I’ve fallen behind And I can’t tell who I am I am not whole I’m incomplete Only a part of me

A part of me wants to hate, a  part of me wants to love A part of me is here, While the other part is gone

A part of me is whole, While the other part is shattered apart A part of me is disconnected,A part of me is lost

And I don’t know I’m on this road I wondered so far I can’t go back home I am lost Hoping someone can save me Cuz I’m all alone    I waste away By myself Incomplete Only a part of me

the pieces are on the floor, cant glue them togather anymore, 

07-forgive- This is not another love song But a stone thrown to my back Paranoia is under control I’m under attack

Nowhere to go,Nowhere to run,Nowhere to hide Cannot lie The truth is I’ve been running away from me

This is not an apology But expression of guilt and anger Out on myself I don’t want to hurt anyone else So I take it out on myself Now look at myself I can’t even control myself

And I’m falling out,I’m breaking down,I’ve lost myself,Can’t forgive myself Maybe that is where it all boils down, I can’t give up on myself,I must learn to forgive

This is another statement This time for myself A little reminder That there is always hope Even on the stormiest day And in this life of pain There is some love But I seem to forget

And I’m falling out,I’m breaking down,I’ve lost myself,Can’t forgive myself Maybe that is where it all boils down,I can’t give up on myself,I must learn to forgive

The light at the end of the tunnel Don’t come to those who fail to try And the ones who put no outcome Are the ones who fail and die

I guess that this is my wake up call To stand up and do what’s right And I won’t get any sleep Til I win this fight Sometimes I can’t please everyone when they get in the way of what I need

Sometimes people get disappointed But that’s how the story goes Sorry if I offend you I’m just being myself I can’t change who I am

08-run for cover- i guess we are guilty of one thing or another but how do you carry on  when everthing is wrong and you have to turn and run for cover

hows come you can get to pinpoint me and we cant get you back you think you are so perfect ruining peoples lives

i guess i just take everything and stride just stuff it down along with everything else like the anger and sadness and it never really gets addressed

this hate gets us nowhere avoiding the issues usually just make it worse i dont see a solution why cant we talk it out anymore

09-hold me- i used to believe that i had a place in this world but now i am not really sure my head is lost in a whirlwind and i can't seem to find my place

here i am lost inside would you lock me tight hold me tight cuz it is me against the world and i dont think i can face this world alone

10 need to get out of here- i am a quiet kid so naive yet i take what is dished at me not comfortable with myself feel like i need to get out of here

was never wanted to be born was never welcome in this world so out of place don't feel like i belong here i feel like i need to get out of here

11-dumb- am i on drugs?am i insane?have i lost my brain? what was i thinking?when i let you take control over my life

i don't know i swear i'm so dumb i couldnt protect myself now will i overcome the long hard fall that i took and shook everything apart

am i out of my  fucking mind did i lose track of time i let time tick by while i was still bleeding what was i thinking?

i don't know i swear i'm so dumb i couldnt protect myself now will i overcome the long hard fall that i took and shook everything apart

i am back to where i start i'm bleeding and broken and crippled i can't stand up, i fall down i dont know i swear i'm so dumb now i will brace for my fall

12-bleeding what do you want to do i'll be here 4 you waiting 4 you unless you catch me bleeding a life down the drain washed away now you catch me breeding

what do you want i can never give you everything. why does it sees the more you give the more they take, the more they expect.

13-flying-  september 2003 going 75 mph down state route 13 half asleep after getting off work from the graveyard shift at the plastic factory heading back home and my car flys off the road i blackout next thing i remember is opening my eyes with ambulance lights flashing my thought is fuck it does my life even matter anyway sometimes i wish i died in that crash sometimes i feel meaningless i am flying fast i dont know where i'm going but it is far from here take me away. take me away. you can have me. take me away. take me away. god don't want me.

14-racing against yourself-Sometimes do you get the feeling that someone is watching you and breathing down your neck Sometimes does it feel that someone is out to get you, You can’t escape

Sometimes does it feel like there is no use That you are doomed no matter what you do Sometimes does it feel like you are going down Six feet under this time Can’t revive

Don’t you get sick of trying Feeling like you want to be something else Don’t you feel all alone Feeling like you need some help But don’t know where to go

You feel like you are racing against yourself, You can’t win the race against yourself

You are trying to be the best you can be But you are trying too hard and worring too much You try to do things too perfectly Making you feel more like a failure But we all know you are not

You just need some time to figure out yourself To find out who you are and who are you not

Sometimes do you get the feeling that your heart is pounding through your chest Sometimes do you get the feeling like your head is going to explode

Sometimes do you get the feeling like your stomach is going to turn  It is ok, we all get that way sometimes, Just breathe in and breathe out You are not alone

15-going down in flames- I’m holding on to darkness Cuz it is all I’ve ever known Maybe it is my crutch But it is what made me felt safe 

Maybe in a way I am sort of detached from reality Daydreaming of a better life that I can’t seem to have Addicted to things that are hurting me 

can’t seem to break away Repeated in the same cycles and the same mistakes  need changes What is going on now isn’t working

I’m going down in flames I couldn’t understand I can’t relate I am lost in space  Trapped inside of a world I don’t understand Seems so twisted and messed up Problems I can’t seem to fix

It is supposed to be a new day But I seem to be stuck paralyzed Maybe these demons in my head can’t escape Sometimes there doesn’t seem to be a good outlet

Looking for some quick temporary fix To ease the pain It doesnt really erase the problems Just makes them worse & I keep falling in the same traps again

I’m going down in flames I couldn’t understand I can’t relate I am lost in space  Trapped inside of a world I don’t understand  so twisted and messed up Problems I can’t seem to fix

Maybe I allowed this confusion linger for too long Maybe I need to address this rather than stuff it down which is what I am used to doing

Maybe I need to cut the cord Understand though results don’t come overnight and take time Maybe you are not patient enough to see it

Sometimes it seems like I am walking on eggshells Can’t do anything right to impress you Maybe I had enough trying I don’t think anything I do is good enough for you so i'll fix myself instead

Sometimes I feel like you don’t seem to want to listen You seem to be stuck on yesterday Therefore things seem to stay the same And I am not sure I can abide with that anymore

I’m going down in flames I couldn’t understand I can’t relate lost in space Trapped inside of a world Seems so twisted and messed up Problems that can’t seem to be fixed

Maybe if I didn’t procrastinate Maybe if I stopped putting things off to the last second Things would be better I don’t know

I’m going down in flames I couldn’t understand I can’t relate I am lost in my own space Trapped inside of a world Seems so twisted and messed up Problems I can’t seem to fix

I’m going down in flames I couldn’t understand I can’t relate I am lost in my own space Trapped inside of a world Seems so twisted and messed up Problems i need to fix

16-sleep on it-i'll sleep on it heartache is overwelming i'll sleep on it so I can get some rest tonight I struggle to survive when I worry all the time so I'm trying to set my fears aside 

it's no use, there is no point of dwelling, i'll just try to let this go try no to let it consume my mind no more   i struggle to survive when i worry all the time so i'll just try to let things go

17-coming home-hey I think i've gone away and I don't think i'll be coming home. hey I think i'm losing it and I don't think i'll ever be coming home

i'm losing it i'm coming apart don't know who i am from the start.  i'm losing it i'm torn apart i'm afraid this relationship has come to a bitter end

i torture myself to make things work i'm lying to myself to stay alive for the last time i wont be coming home

i torture myself to make this work i'm lying to myself to stay alive for the last time i am not coming home

chapter#3- generation X meltdown 

01-intro- my f-d up speech- united we stand or so we think we've lost again and skipped a beat tired and fell to defeat

four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation conceived in liberty and that everyone is supposedly treated equal so they say

hey howz it going where do you stand cuz lately i have been on the fence it seems like everything is not the same so please excuse me while i go insane

OMG, so who is right or wrong and why do we have to fight it seems there is no rights and everyone is wrong (lock us all up)

02-new start  Lets get away, Leave for a while, Maybe never come back.  Drive aimlessly into the sunset With no planned destination

Things haven’t been working out for a very long time Can’t force something if it ain’t there

Sometimes you can’t fix everything that is broken There are days where I go in circles Making no progress I just want to be anywhere but here

I got off on the wrong exit And can’t find my way back to the road the I was on, I got lost again

The future is as blurry as ever I don’t know what lies ahead Days have been rockyThey are still rocky ahead I am just looking for a brand new start

I am just looking for a way to get by Will you come with me Are you with me or not

Things aren’t getting as easier as time goes on I have been trying to find the light I have been trying to get back on the right page

I am trying to find the hope I lost I don’t know where I am going Things happen unexpectedly The future can be unpredictable

Days have been rocky They are still rocky ahead I am just looking for a fresh new start

03-world on fire  there is nowhere safe left to run,there is no chance, there is no future (there is no chance, there is no future) no lives matter they are going to kill us all...

world on fire such a disgrace babies crying without a face no mother no dad to tend to them no life no future ahead

just a bunch of what ifs no chance no love. no there is no love just bitterness emptyness & resentment

i wish i was able to fix everything but sometimes i cant even fix myself. this life is sitting on empty sometimes i wish someone could fill me up

world on fire such a disgrace innocence dead on arrival everyone is to blame  so much confusion so much hate who's the culprit we may never know but we all know this has got to change

i need amazing grace this is it all or nothing crash or burn live or die i risk it all to save the world i might fail i might die but i give it all

world on fire engulfed in flames so much tension no one can relate everyone for themselves nothing left but apathy anger fear & hatred

world on fire such a disgrace. innocence dead on arrival without a trace. world on fire engulfed in flames. so much tension no one can relate. hope seems to be disappearing there is nothing left

04-way too fast please help me understand, nothing makes sense to me. can we make a U turn? try to get out of this mess

We grew up way too fast We never really had a chance Our childhood way swept away in a blink of an eye We had to learn the hard way

There wasn’t always someone there There was a lack of guidence and support We were left on our own to battle it out  We were never taught we had to figure out by ourselves

The world is so cold People are quick to push you off the edge and not think twice about it Nothing is safe or given You got to earn it Nothing is fair anymore

Beware there are a bunch of loins in the den all searching for raw meat You are not the only one who is hungry Hate to say but it’s a damn cold world (damn cold cold war)

Nobody seems to care they’re quick to take advantage of you and leave you on the curb No more free rides You’ve got to skate on your own

It seems like things are going way too fast Please just make it stop Where did the time go

It seems like people are trying to push you down the stairs then They give you a mountain to climb then knock you back down

They say the bigger you are the harder you fall One day you will get your turn Over the corner everywhere you face There are demons inside you can’t escape 

It seems like things follow you wherever you go It seems like things are going way too fast

You just want to slow things down  Before you know time flies by way too quick You wonder where it went You can’t get it back  It seems like things are happening way too fast

Take two seconds to breathe I need to figure out where I stand Need to readjust Need to reavaluate Need a break

The noise in the air and the traffic is distracting It is hard to stay focused There is too much going on at once

You wish you could slow things down and quiet things down Everything is too frieghtening and happening in a flash Going way too fast

05- run don't walk   Everything is all scrambled and fucked up.  We are the ones left sorting it out Cleaning up the mess

It is run don’t walk in this crazy world It feels like we are being chased down While picking up the pieces by ourselves

What we had has left and gone away,Not coming back again,Thrown all away,Down the drain We need to come up with a plan to fix the problem But we are running out of time

Everything is out of place,Try to organize,Try to realign,There is nothing left Get out while you can,Run don’t walk!

Disappear in the night May never return Trying to find a right In all of the wrongs

Trying to find a reason What really makes sense in this mass confusion Don’t really want to be going back to this situation

I just wonder if there is something more And why am I still here Sometimes I feel like I am making no progress and my life is on hold

Maybe it is time to go Got to get away from this place And try something new This isn’t working for me anymore I’ve got to let this go

So long goodbye, I hate for things to go out this way But maybe it is the only way.  So long goodbye,Maybe I need to run away.

What we had has left and gone away,Not coming back again,Thrown all away,Down the drain We need to come up with a plan to fix the problem But we are running out of time 

Everything is out of place,Try to organize,Try to realign,There is nothing left,Get out while you can,Run don’t walk!

06- good enough  nothing ever seems good enough for you...  I want to change But I can’t seem to throw away All of this hatred inside of me

Someone please kill me It would be easier than to go Face to face with my head Oh no it goes again Switching back and forth In my head I can’t comprehend

Sometimes I wanted to die Cuz I get sick of trying Feeling like nothing I do Gets appreciated And I am left on my own With no support

Oh no here it goes again My thoughts are Switching back and forth In my head I can’t comprehend

Because nothing is ever good enough, So why try? Nothing is ever good enough, Why should I do it for you? Nothing is ever good enough Maybe I’m moving on to something new

I brace myself for another meltdown This time longer than any time before Anything I say seems to get ignored Sometimes I feel like I am half dead Is there anything to live for

Because nothing is ever good enough, So why try? Nothing is ever good enough Why should I do it for you? Nothing is ever good enough I am trying to find something new

07- reckless abandon reckless abandon roaming around all trace of innocence is long gone 

so now where do we do as we are at the end of the road we cant go back we cant change the past

reckless abandon are you lonely did you lose yourself to no return lately and blindly it seems as if no one cares and lately and jaded and frustrating

i know how you feel cuz i've been there too but you got to get back up and rise above and not back down 

maybe it is not too late maybe there is a chance. i dont know why everyone is so cold

i know it may be hard to get back on your feet but you cant lay there and accept defeat they will devour you

reckless abandon are you lost have you gone off your rails no one can save you you are a bad wreck all used up and burned out

dont ever feel like you are the only one cuz there are millions just like you that are scared that feel alone that are afraid to get out of there shell

reckless abandon you can pick your wheels and start again if you wanted to

08-still not healed hello. are you there? do you care? everything is f-d up still the same years gone by but nothing had changed

still no answers still being promised lies you cant keep still being short changed still being left behind still being left dangling by a thread still being left in the cold and in the dark

still being petrified being filled full of fear. a nation still demoralized. still not healed.

are you going to do something about it or just let everything sit around and rot and gather dust watch everything fall apart and crumble and lay to waste.

sometimes i have no idea why i feel this way but lately i feel like i have been on edge still left empty. still unjustified. still confused and left with no answers. still not knowing being told only lies

still petrified full of fear a nation still demoralized still not healed

still not acceptable i still wonder why how could this go on for so long no more excuses i just want the truth

still left empty. still unjustified. still confused and left with no answers. still not knowing being told only lies

still no answers still being promised lies you cant keep still being short changed still being left behind still being left dangling by a thread still being left in the cold and in the dark

still being petrified being filled full of fear. a nation still demoralized. still not healed.

09-generation X meltdown this could be the end of the world as we know it the beginning of responsablity entering uncertainty a lot of anguish build up from miscommunication and disagreement

dont remember all of this things eachother said just wish we can put all of this behind us

it's so scary and the trust is gone everyone is fighting there never seems to be a solution we all querrel in such debate we cant relate filled with hate it's so sad in this day of age

generation x meltdown we are trying to learn our identity everyone is caught off guard and brought to thier knees

i keep praying for unity but no really getting any answers no one seems to care it feels as if i am walking alone

it's a long way home there is no going back everything is left behind the bridges have burned the pages have turned years have gone by and everything has changed

i dont know why i feel this hate it just consumes me if i could just let all of this go

i've been mean i've been selfish i dont know why it has gone on for so long this need to end right now

if we can love eachother be kind to eachother rather than tear eachother down this world would be a better place

10-if this is the end-  if this is the end then i better be off to somewhere else it is not worth it for me to stay for nothing if this is the end then i better have something else to rely on i need to have a plan

cant always rely on or trust other people having my back some are trying to hurt you instead i have to help myself

if this is the end then i need to be off to somewhere new. if this is the end then i guess i am on my way out of here

11- black hole-  sometimes i feel like i am wishing on a falling star. sometimes i feel like i am wasting my time.

i wonder what is real or what side i am on these days i cant tell anymore. (god i am such a whore)

i keep searching but there is no clear answers in sight. trying to find a reason but my head is in doubt. (i am so boring)

I just fall straight  down in a big black hole it swallows me whole in a bottomless pit the cycle never ends i cant seem to get out of it

i keep fighting the battle that never ends sometimes i dont even remember what i am fighting for just trying to find a reason to live

everytime, i find myself questioning is this right or is this wrong or where do i even belong nothing is making sense once again i find myself lost again

I just fall straight  down in a big black hole it swallows me whole in a bottomless pit the cycle never ends i cant seem to get out of it

i keep fighting the battle that never ends sometimes i dont even remember what i am fighting for just trying to find a reason to live

i find myself trying to get out, trying to get out getting sucked back in again i find myself trying to get out, trying to get out getting sucked back in again

I just fall straight  down in a big black hole it swallows me whole in a bottomless pit the cycle never ends i cant seem to get out of it

i keep fighting the battle that never ends sometimes i dont even remember what i am fighting for just trying to find a reason to live

12-makes me crazy hello, i'm here, then gone not really functionable

i'm a little out of my mind. but i'm alright, not really. i'm faking it. i'm forcing a smile but really i want to explde hello, goodbye, i cant stay, i need to run away, somewhere far far away

i need you to know that i cant tolerate the abuse the screaming the yelling the insults. hello, goodbye, so long

stuck inside a broken home with no way out & no friends to talk to, i need to run away but don't know where to go

cant come back to the screaming it is too much how much more can i take it makes me crazy i cant function with all of this noise screaming in my head it makes me freeze it makes me crazy

i hold it all inside til it is more than i can take it makes me enraged inside i just want to explode i am trying to be the more cizilized person but it is hard with all of this madness going on around me

screaming in my head, voices in my head, i cannot concentrate screaming in my head, voices in my head, making me crazy, stopping me dead

another sleepless night hearing you scream and fight giving me more nightmares it messes with my head, probably it makes me insane, probably

i wonder what your parents did to you. was it like the way you are treating me. can we break the cycle that never works, i hope so

13-find a way  Find a way to get by Look inside my mind Don’t know which way to go Trying to find what is real

Trying to divide myself from the negativity that brings me down Try to move forward with my life  Sometimes seems like a long shot It feels like the gun is at my head

So many dangerous places to go I need some kind of lifeline Don’t know how much farther I can make it It won’t be far if I get no help

Maybe they enjoy to hate And bring me down Bet they wouldn’t feel the same way if it happened to them

But what does it matter They don’t listen to a thing you say Just brush you off like dirt And sweep you under the rug

I will find a way to leave things behind To move forward with my life Put the past away and take control of my life I’m moving forward with or without you

14-dead town (intro- I don’t want to live anymore If I have to go back to this hell hole. It used to be a place I called home But lately it has been tired and old and volitale.)

Sometimes I want to disappear and forget about the pain Forget about the problems Forget everything

Things aren’t so simple Hard to explain It feels like people are out to get me I feel like I’m dead Living someone else’s dream

Sometimes I pretend I’m ok I wish I could go back to a time when I didn’t have to be afraid I didn’t have to look over my shoulder to see if I am being stabbed

Everything seems dark and gloomy And the sky always seems so grey Even when the sun shines It don’t feel that way

Who do I trust I am basically on my own No one is going to help show you the way Instead they will kick you in the dirt and put you in the grave Something needs to change

I need a way out I need to escape This is too much How much more do you think I can take Maybe this ain’t meant for me

I need to get away to a place far away To collect my mind Need some peace in mind Seems so hard to find sometimes

Maybe they want me to disappear, I can grant their wish In this dead town I want to erase everything I’ve grown sick of this place

Just want to start off new from scratch and leave the rest behind There is nothing left to salvage Everything that is good is gone

I feel like I’m above troubled waters on a bridge that is on fire there is no turning back now

Fuck this place I don’t ever want to go back Sometimes I want it to burn to the ground

Sometimes I wish I could make it all disappear Maybe I could disappear  Find a reason To not come back To stay gone forever

15-try2die Song of the ages for you to sing We all die It’s out of our control We can’t turn back the hands of time We’d like to forget things But it is all too real

We all share the same misery of not knowing where the future lies We’re entering uncertainty It’s unpredictable hostile and constantly changing leaving us forever in the dark

I cannot see,I cannot breathe,I cannot live,I cannot die Constantly suffocating Don’t know if by your hands or by mine I feel like I am biting on a bullet just to survive, trying only to die

Song of the ages For a ghost to sing Cuz no one is listening or cares With times so hard It is so cut throat They are watching their necks to survive They run you over and never look back

I’m scared to know the truth But can’t keep living a lie Forever alone Upside down and twisted around At a crossroads Any move we make could be fatal anymore

There is no safe answers Nowhere to hide We fall behind Longing for something that got left behind that can’t be replaced

We try to numb the pain But we can’t keep running away Nothing ever seems to fill the void

I cannot see,I cannot breathe,I cannot live,I cannot die,Constantly suffocating,Don’t know if by your hands or by mine, I feel like I am biting on a bullet to survive we try to die

Please don’t go,Say it ain’t so,I guess we all go But sometimes too soon We needed you more than you know Why did things end up this way

Say goodbye for now Maybe we can meet again on the other side Hopefully in a better place Free of the demons that has been haunting you

I cannot see,I cannot breathe,I cannot live,I cannot die,Constantly suffocating,Don’t know if by your hands or by mine, I feel like I’m biting on a bullet to survive

We try to survive Caught in the crosshairs of demands Sometimes it feels like our hands are forced Sometimes we don’t make it out of this nightmare

Sometimes we are not prepared and it takes a toll,Sometimes the strong die,Sometimes the good don’t survive,Cut short before it is time

Wish it wasn’t so Nothing can brace ourselves for this Fighting a never ending battle a war that cant be won

I cannot see,I cannot breathe,I cannot live,I cannot die,Constantly suffocating,Don’t know if by your hands or by mine, I feel like I am biting on a bullet to survive trying just to die

16-what really matters-  What really matters? I don’t know. I am lost trying to find the way Out in the world on my own No one to help

They just stab you in the back Out to get you again and again No one cares

They just fuck the other person Every man for themselves No one on your side Instead trying to knock you down You can’t get back up is the way it seems

H8rz liars thieves everywhere, Painting targets on your back, Bang bang bang bang, 1234, Is this what it takes to win? I don’t want to play.

This is out for the dogs Things have gone sour What does it take to be alive again And get back on the right track

I have lost the way There is no control It feels like I’ve fallen under I just want my life back I wish I knew how But I don’t have the answers

I wish I had a safe home And open arms But I am finding it hard So I stay alone What really matters I don’t know Yesterday is gone Tomorrow may never come

Here is a story of a boy Who tries so hard He is gunning for it But maybe he tries too hard And he overworks himself He tries so hard But you can try and not win

The world is so cold And it is not going to get easy from this point on What really matters I don’t know Yesterday is gone Tomorrow may never come

17-always4never I always say no but can’t seem to back away Like a scary movie,You don’t know who’s the killer until it’s too late

I always tell myself that this is the last time I ever come back But somehow I wind up at the door I never learn my lesson I guess I am a fool Falling in the same trap Over and over again

Not being able to get myself out of the mess I got myself into I am always obsessed Wanting what I can’t have Just out of reach Always for never

I always think that maybe I can try to let you come in But you are the big fish in the pond that is hard to catch I can’t seem to reel you in

It seems the more I try to get you to come to me The more I chase you away It seems like I never learn 

I’m just a fool who keeps on falling for something that doesn’t exist wanting what I can’t touch Always for never

always4never Forever is never I am getting myself in trouble again Wanting something I can’t have Always for never Forever is never It don’t exist

18-never give up It started out simple But then things got complicated,It started out safe But then we got thrown in the crossfire

It started out clean But things got messy, I wish I could fix it and make things better It started out clear Then things got blurry, It started as a dream And turned in to a nightmare 

I can’t turn back time To make things alright I try to be strong Even if I am losing the fight I’m never certain anymore Where anything can change when you least expect

We right now could use some hope right now Cuz right now it looks glim  We right now could use a player Cuz our life is in disarray

We try to tackle these problems alone with no help We get the cold shoulder when we are hurting the most

They say grin and bear it That is what we are going to try to do We’ve been underdogs our whole lives But we are going to pull through We are here to prove them wrong Never give up! eventually we'll win

They pushed and shoved us and bullied us around But guess who is getting the last laugh now What happens when you have no one left to pick on

You only got yourself to blame Maybe something inside of you is hurting too

We right now could use some hope Cuz right now it looks glim We right now could use a player Cuz our life is in disarray

We try to tackle these problems alone with no help We get the cold shoulder when we are hurting the most

They say grin and bear it That is what we are going to try to do We’ve been underdogs our whole lives But we are going to pull through

We are here to prove them wrong Never give up eventually we'll win

Things used to be clear but now are frayed and blurred Things used to be clean But now we got blood on our hands

We lost our training wheels Now we are riding on the edge We can’t turn back now

Please stay with me and don’t let go will we have each other’s backs while riding through the storm

This world can be a dark cold lonely scary place no one wants to face it alone Things are unfortunately not getting any easier I feel we should hold on to eachother

We right now could use some hope Cuz right now it looks glim We right now could use a player Cuz our life is in disarray

We try to tackle these problems alone with no help We get the cold shoulder when we are hurting the most

They say grin and bear it That is what we are going to try to do We’ve been underdogs our whole lives But we are going to pull through

We are here to prove them wrong Never give up! Eventually we’ll win

19-free I begin to wonder what things are really meant for me Is it worth it to throw things all away After all the fighting that I’ve done just to give up and end up with nothing again

I just want to be free Want to be untied Just want to be able to do my own thing Just want to explore And weigh out the options Don’t want to rush

I want to find out what is best for me I know that it is not a easy road But I don’t want others to make their decisions for me

I hate for anyone to get hurt But I have to do what is best for memIt is not so easy to run away from everything that you know just to learn things over again

I can’t love anyone until I love myselfm I’m not trying to be selfish

I just want to be free Want to be untied Just want to be able to do my own thing Just want to explore And weigh out the options Don’t want to rush (making the same mistakes)

I want to find out what is best for me I know that it is not a easy road But I don’t want others to make their decisions for me

Wishing on a falling star Hiding from the scars On the inside that don’t seem to heal 

Wondering where I am Against the odds How they are stacked against me Trying to figure out where I stand Trying to rebuild my life

20-firery crash scene- watch it burn, everythings burning down, its all burning down, would anything even matter anyway? everythings burning down its all burning down nothing matters anyway

Love hate war Played over and over again In a firey crash scene The highs and lows or every extreme  Pushing daisys Spilling beans And everything in between

Here we go Destination unknown Fighting for the only thing we’ve ever known Right or wrong We don’t care We’ve been pushed around long enough

Why can’t we see that we are suffering No more games I’m tired of people getting hurt But I guess that is how the story goes

Is there any justification or clarity? I don’t know. Probably not in this evil world

It’s a tragedy Why did this had to happen It’s a tragedy Could this be avoided Is there any ending  It’s a tragedy Played over and over again In a firey crash scene Where our hearts grow cold

Is there anything to say While everything is taken away Is there anything to say For all the lives taken away It’s all played over and over again In a firey crash scene Where everyone don’t grow old

21-the edge Please don’t forget me It is too easy to die Please don’t leave me Hang out to dry Sometimes I am guilty of 2nd guessing Sometimes getting burned in the end

They say I don’t stand a chance But I don’t care I’ll keep fighting until the end I’ll beat the odds or die trying I won’t give in  You could choose to watch Or cover your eyes

Danger is everywhere But I show no fear My biggest enemy is myself If I fall apart where will I land I have been trying to overcome all of the obsticiles

Please don’t forget me It is too easy to die And please don’t leave me To hang out to dry Sometimes Im guilty of 2nd guessing Sometimes getting burned in the end

Meet me at the edge of the world, If we fall off where do we land? Sometimes it feels like We are being dragged by a hand, I don’t want to disappear

My biggest fear is myself I don’t know what the future holds But I step forward and keep fighting Though not confident But I try to shake it off

Please don’t forget me It is too easy to die And please don’t leave me To hang out to dry Sometimes I am guilty of 2nd guessing Sometimes getting burned in the end

22 untitled bonus track i wonder what it is like to be on the other side is there an answer to all of these ?s or am i in the dark

there is a storm going on in my mind can't choose which side i'm on. people are always trying to force thier hand on to others

i used to be one of those who followed but this time i think i would rather be leading the ship and steeering.

been fucked around way too many times to let others decide my fate i want to swing the hammer to either build or destroy  the foundation

dont like for others to get hurt but i dont want to get hurt either. no more playing games

done wasting time for people who dont appreciate it. it is time to live my life and stop putting my life on hold for others.

i'll do whatever it takes to turn my life around even if i have to turn my back on people i thought were my friends

but it turns out they were using me and stabbing me and i didnt realize it until it was too late

chapter#4- out of the blue into the red 

01-in the hole  Maybe too cautious, Maybe too scared, Maybe too afraid to make a stand, But if I don’t I am going off the deep end

People are backstabbing each other with double edged knives, See the blood, Never think twice.

Are you running, Too late, They got you in the hole. Right where they want you, Right where they want you. They got you in the hole. Ready to fuck you,Ready to fuck you

They are not trying to help They are just trying to take what they can and leave you for dead  They got you in the hole, Ready to fuck you,Ready to fuck you Again and again

Maybe I was too trusting Maybe I was too nice I was naive and taken advantage of Maybe I was too passive and leaniant

I should have known that this was going to happen It is way too hard without someone sabotaging and stealing

Things should not be this way There is no understanding Sometimes I feel like burning the bridge I never want to end up in this situation again

Are you running, Too late They got you in the hole Right where they want you,Right where they want you.  They got you in the hole Ready to fuck you,Ready to fuck you

They are not trying to help They are just trying to take what they can and leave you for dead They got you in the hole, Ready to fuck you, Ready to fuck you Again and again

I need to fix me before I can fix anybody else That is my problem I’ve been worrying too much about everyone else and not taking care of myself

02-looking  I'm looking for a miricle, I'm looking for faith, I'm having trouble believing the light seems so far away, looking for anyone to help me I think I've lost the way

I’m just trying to find something that is real Are you alive?,  Are you with me? I can’t seem to find anything Trying to find hope in dark places

I’m looking for a miracle I’m looking for faith I’m having trouble believing  The light seems so far away

I’m looking for anything to get through the day I’m looking for something to hold on to I think I lost the way

Please will you be my friend. I know I’ve made a few mistakes along the way  But I don’t intend to do any harm  Please give me another chance Hopefully it is not too late to turn this life around

03-they don't know me  planet of zombies is all i see, faces keep staring back at me

All I ever wanted was to be the cool boy with the cool friends to fit in and be a part of something All I ever wanted was to be cool

I never really had a lot support when I was younger I was picked on and bullied a lot Sometimes I felt left out I missed out

Chunks of life are missing There are gaping holes I'm not the cool boy I isolate myself in my room to hide I have no friends 

I never feel like I belong So I withdraw from the crowd Feeling ever more alone

When I was in high school I sat at the end of the bus with my headphones listening to a rock CD on as loud as it would go to block out everything

I generally tried to stay to myself And avoid the drama I never wanted any problems I just wanted to be ok (i never felt ok)

Welcome to the nothingness inside of me There isn’t much to see A lot of empty gaps A lot of holes  I just wanted to be somebody To be a part of something To fit in

I don’t want to be alone I wanted a friend To hold on to To be there for each other I feel like that is missing i feel like a nobody dont fit in not adaptable i get scared talking to people

If I posted all my problems and issues On a highway billboard sign or online on facebook How many people would stick around Or still be my friend Or would just leave

It is not really cool to be me You really don’t know me I am nauseous Broke tired and hungry Wondering if there will be a roof over my head Scared and frieghted about what the future be

Can’t say that I am ok But I am trying to fake it Trying to stay strong for my family Trying not to let these demons get the best of me Trying to carry on even though everything is cutting me down

They don’t have to worry about where their next meal will come from They don’t have to worry about a roof over their head They don’t have to carry all their belongings by walking out in the rain

They don’t walk in my shoes They probably don’t care They don’t know the halves Even if I told them they would shake their heads They just don’t understand They really don’t know me

Walking in the rain in the cold all alone with no home No one to call no support no shelter only being cut down. Overloaded,Pissed off,Nothing seems to be working

Trying hard and getting kicked down the stairs Cannot justify or understand everything that is going on around me

They don’t have to worry about coming home to find a lock on the door and the house being repossessed by the bank

They don’t have to worry about being homeless having to sleep in a disabled vehicle in the middle of winter They really don’t know or seem to care

04-the code  i tryed to be cool play it safe tryed to avoid any troublei played by the rules,i tryed to be nice,i tryed to be the guy that people liked,i used to be a nice boy,not anymore

what happened to the person i used to know?i tryed to be cool,tryed to be calm, but things seem to be exploding in my face

people dump thier bullshit at you leave you at the side of the road bleeding i've tryed to stuff it down,i am trying to be over it but it can't take it anymore.  fuck the rules,fuck the code

Forget all the impressions of what I’m supposed to be Forget the trends and the cliques forget These unwritten rules of how society says i am supposed to be

what the fuck am i supposed to be now that i no longer know who i am getting lost in you i cant abide in something that is working against me

so sorry if i can't live like the way you do (like what you want me to) what happened to the person i used to know? i used to be a nice boy,not anymore.   fuck the rules, fuck the code

04b-?-i've fallen off track seems i'll never recover i've fallen away it feels like i mean nothing

longing 4 something that is not there feels like the same track skipping over and over again

05-someone to lean on  I’ve been looking for someone to keep me in check To keep me in line I have been a mess at times 

Looking for an answer I may never find Maybe I am looking for something out in sea sailing in to the ocean

All I really want to someone to lean on, All anyone really wants is someone to lean on,Do you want someone to lean on

Do you get the drift,The boat I’m in,I wonder if you feel the same way,Or am I wasting my time

This is one of those things money can’t buy This is one of those things that is so hard to find Maybe I am trying to force something that isn’t there And I always find myself alone

06-heartless  in a world so heartless, only the good die, gone is everything you thought you knew

In a world so heartless, Only the good die Gone is everything you thought you knew Can’t get back Can’t replace what was lost Try to run away But it doesn’t change anything

I wish it wasn’t so There is no happy ending Someone is going to end up broken hearted Someone is going to end up getting hurt maybe even me There are no winners only losers

I’m trying to hold on to all I can Don’t know if I’ll ever be here again The ground is falling from under my feet Nothing is solid Everything is turning to sand

The world is flying by and I am standing still Running but going nowhere Sitting on the sidelines watching this scary movie unfold

Warning this could be graphic This may be ugly No one sees these scars They are inside of me

When does hopes and dreams matter Gone is everything you thought you knew. in a world so heartless only the good die gone is everything you thought you knewrunaway in circles back at square one

07-fall like dominoes  You are looking for answers from someone just as lost as you are if not more so Sorry I can’t show you the way I can’t make any promises

Nobody has all of the answers Things seem to get scarier every day Things are not getting any easier only harder as we go You never know when it is your time

We all fall like dominoes We were not meant to win this fight Sometimes you can’t have it all Endings sometimes happen too soon and without warning

No one could ever predict this Change is always on the horizon Things and people you knew and loved got left behind and now they are gone

The things you relied on to get by no longer exists You’ve got to find another way It is getting harder and harder to make it Nothing lasts forever

Like the weather everything changes Clear one day stormy the next We never really know where we are going Finding our way in a field of blur

Can’t always tell what the future holds for us You just got to keep trying Sometimes we all fall like dominoes 

i dont want to say it but if I have to go, please, Don’t drown in sorrow because of me please keep this in your memories

08-drop  fighting a losing battle can't remember what for. trying to do good but everything is wrong. I dont know where i belong always feel akward & out of place I dont know  where to fit in 

lost & uncertain and things only get scarier dont know if I can get by like this its not so simple or easy to trust everything and everybody is out to get you

one nation stands divided not united dont know whose side i'm on everyone is out to get you like wolves in a remote wasteland

everyone out for themselves with no help cant trust anyone they try to sign you up and leave you paying it feels like they are trying to tie you up and leave you hanging

drop now as i choke i should have never trusted anybody i should have never let my fate be in someone elses hands

09-secretcy It is the secretcy that is killing,The secretcy that is killing, Lies in my head 

Depression, Frequent anxiety OCD, ADD.  What the fuck is wrong with me? Maybe more things than I know

It is the secretcy that is killing,The secretcy that is killing, Lies in my head

Constantly paranoid, Cannot sleep Maybe worried about things that don’t even matter Some things are hard to get off my chest

It is the secretcy that is killing,Secretcy that is killing,Lies in my head

I’m scared of what you would think of me if I told you about the dark parts of me would you stay or would you run  never want to see me again

My thoughts and feelings I sometimes keep hidden cuz I am scared if someone else was to know they would think that i was a freak or a monster and they'd want nothing to do with me

10-disappear how can a star shining so bright just disappear here just yesterday and now is gone

running longing for the things that kept us safe they ain't here anymore gaping holes are where our hearts used to be

Certainly is never clear The future is not determined Nothing is forever Everything is meant to be broken I guess everything fades Nothing is meant to be forever

How can a star shining so bright disappear in a blink of an eye Here just yesterday and now is gone

Running, longing for the things that kept us safe They ain’t here any more Gaping holes are where our hearts used to be

Struggling to find the good Nowhere left to run from the demons that keeps following you

How can a star shining so bright disappear in a blink of an eye Here just yesterday and now is gone

How can a star so bright disappear How can something that seemed harmless be so bad Never know the damage caused until it is too late Can’t turn back to fix the mistakes

Sometimes it is better to let it go Running longing for the things and people that kept us safe They ain’t here anymore Gaping holes are where our hearts used to be

11-leave it alone Sometimes I feel down and depressed Want to drive into another addiction 

Habits hard to break Voids hard to fill Through haunted memories Ghosts, Images that remind you of the past Sometimes the pain is hard to bear It is never easy But you got to let go.  

Leave it alone, Somethings are best left undone. let it go stop chasing. U don't need to change a single thing if you dont want to. if you feel it's right your instinct usually doesnt lie

Run away Take the fall But try to move on And make your life better There’s no easy answer to the questions on your mind

Sometimes you are the only one who really knows Just follow your heart And don’t give in to what others try to say   

Leave it alone, Somethings are best left undone. let it go stop chasing. U don't need to change a single thing if you dont want to if you feel it's right your instinct usually doesnt lie

12-we don't have to answer  we dont have to answer, we dont have to answer to the world

we dont have to apologize, we dont have to answer to the world

chapter#5- yield 

01-intro yield contents unknowen enter at your discretion yield we dont know what kind of dead mans curves are on this road

yield corus of concern yield to come whatever may and there journey continues there is still a long way to go

02-back to one i am starting back to one forget who you want me to be worry about yourself i was fine before all of your disbelief and your lies entered my life

i am trying to find who i am trying to do what is right for me some wont understand but this is what i think i have to do

i am becoming back to one trying to find out who i am this may mean i need to cut parts of you out 

i may need to let you go so i can find myself once again please dont take offense i am starting back to one trying to find me 

forget your false impressions and misjudgements think about what your actions say about you before you try to change me 

i am starting back to one trying to find out who i am this may mean i need to cut parts of you out i may need to let you go so i can find myself once again please dont take offense

03-redeption song This is my redemption song There is no going back I am burning this mother fucker down and leaving no remnants behind

Ending this chapter Never going back to a place I should have never been (good, goodbye do you even know me anymore? do i even know you anymore?)

Don’t try to tell me what is wrong or right This is my life You don’t walk in these shoes I have lost empathy No longer care

Been fucked with one too many times When push comes to shove I’m going to start doing the pushing

I’m not about to stay in the same position I’m going to try to do something about it

Some won’t understand They won’t get some of the things I do. It might not be right for them but I am trying to do what is right for me

I am no longer trying to impress them Cuz no matter what I do I can never make them all happy This is my redemption song I’m just trying to reclaim my life

good, goodbye do you even know me anymore? do i even know you anymore?) if people only come around to use me do I really need that? this all ends right now

04-out of my head The more that I see, The less I like, and the more I want to leave. No, please don’t stay, Please just get out of my head

I won’t be fine. Living someone elses life. I won’t be fine. Trying to fix everyone and not myself

Somehow I need to get you out of my head,I need to get you out of my head,So I can work on me. I need to get you out of my head,Get you out of my head,So I can work on me

What works for you Might not be right for me Your plan might be wrong for me I would rather be able to make my own So please back off on your intentions of what you want me to be, I can’t be you

05-gameplan what is your gameplan?do you have a backbone or are you spineless, if you dont hold your ground you'll lose the fort

what is your adgenda?is it to built something or tear it down,to proceed or procastenate, do you float or drown,rush in the danger zone or play it safe,trigger to impulse or plan in case or doomsday. 

do you do the same things you did before or try to create something new. do you think very far ahead or just live in the moment todays pleasure tomorrows pain

what is your gameplan do you lay low or be cut throat do you try to avoid being the target or be in the spotlight end up getting the chop

06-yield Yield to collision, Yield to my ever conflicting mind,Yield to uncertainty,Yield to the blind path ahead, i wish i could slow things down

Sometimes you just never know what lies ahead Anything can change at any given time Thoughts running back and forth they collide

Confusion spinning in circles I can’t confide It is a dark twisted ride No one would understand Unless they have been through it

Yield to collision, Yield to my ever conflicting mind, Yield to uncertainty, Yield to the blind path ahead, i wish i could slow it down, brace for impact

Sometimes you just never know what lies ahead Anything can change at any given time 

I should warn you,I am damaged. I should warn you,I am disturbed I should warn you, I am not alright(just faking it trying to be ok)

Yield to collision,Yield to my ever conflicting mind,Yield to uncertainty,Yield to the blind path ahead, i wish i could slow things down

Sometimes you just never know what lies ahead Anything can change at any given time

Yield to traffic,Yield to mixed emotions,Unaddressed, Not knowing where all of this is coming from

07-would you still love me Would you still love me when I am down and out Would you still love me at my worst

Would you still love me Even if I was ugly Even if I showed you all of my scars and mistakes Would you still love me Even after I am dead and gone 

Would you still love me Even though I am an outcast Would you still love me Even though I am different  Would you still love me Even though at times I don’t love myself

Would you still love me Even if I moved away Would you follow me Would you still be on my team Even if I was losing Would you be there to cheer me on Cuz I’d do the same for you

is this life just a waste?, why do I set myself up, why do I put myself out there, why do I inflict myself just to feel.

08-the answer Somewhere left forgotten along the way was were I left my soul Unfortunately it never came back Years and years I have struggled to move on

I was living for you and not myself I lost the way to go My heart was stolen I thought that time would heal the pain but it hasn’t

I still have pictures in my head playing back over and over I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again or if it would matter I just thought that you were the answer and I guess that you are not

09courus of concern- i feel like i am the course of concern always somewhat off but dont exactly know why singing these courus of concren dreadfully painful sad songs

i feel like i am the course of concern like something is just wrong about me cant figure out why i'll sing this corus of concern for anybody who cares to cares to listen probably not anybody not even a ghost

10-new Do you want to leave? Are you tired of everything?Do you just want to pack your bags and disappear?

Lately things have been boring,Tired of the same old,Sometimes do you just want a change, Do you want to run away and never look back Just leave this DEAD town and all the memories behind

Things haven’t felt alive in such a long time Would you like to forget everything Do you want to hide From the evil world You can’t remember the last time Anyone was good to you

Do you want to leave Do you want to run away Take me with youI am tired and bored,Show me something new,Show me something I’ve never seen before,Send me somewhere I’ve never been

Give me a reason to live,Show me something to remember,I just feel so dead at times,Wanting to live a new life Leaving the old self behind And never looking back

I am tired and bored,Show me something new,Show me something I’ve never seen before,Send me somewhere I’ve never been

Give me a reason to live Show me something to remember I just want a place where I belong Somewhere to call home  Somewhere I’ll be loved and appreciated And never looked down on

I am tired and bored Show me something new Show me something I’ve never seen before Send me somewhere I’ve never been

Give me a reason to live Show me something I’ll remember For the rest of my life

10-long way to go(journey continues) we are not giving up,we are not throwing in the towel,i know it has been a rough hard road, but i'm here and i am fighting,i wont go down without a fight

i know it sometimes seem to be an unwinnable battle its never over. its never over but somehow I am still here

there is still a long way to go if you are here for me i'll try to be here for you we never know we can't really pick and choose and never asked for this

but times are tough and we are all now on our own it is a long way to go and the journey continues. I dont know it is a long way to go but the journey continues & the show will go on

chapter#6-new day dawning 

01- life is hard-Life is hard sometimes I’m writing this to myself cuz nobody else cares. I tried to reach out to people for help But half the time I get ignored or pushed away

I’m sometimes lost for words I don’t know what I did or said wrong But I’m sorry I must of crossed a line And there doesn’t seem like there’s any going back

I’ve been on both sides of the fence All I wanted was to be loved in a world so cold I don’t know where to go anymore All of the bridges seems to be washed away

I put all my effort in but it doesn’t seem to be good enough Is there a point of starting over

It feels like this broken record is stuck on repeat. It feels like I keep putting in but not getting anything out of this.

Why do I keep wasting my time On people who don’t care about me I keep throwing myself away Why do I do this?!?

The answers are never clear Sometimes I wish I could disappear Sometimes I guess that I could be over my head borderline suicidal But I try to hide that and pretend that everything is ok

Even if I told people how I felt I feel like they don’t care I sometimes feel like nothing even matters anymore So half the time I say nothing

Im struggling but I try to hide it But the demons are revealing themselves I try to stay calm But on the inside I am freaking out 

Sometimes I don’t have the faith that I can make it through Life is hard. They say get over it,But each day seems to be worse than before.

02-new day dawning-I am trying to adapt to the changes Trying not to fold under the pressure I am trying to stay strong even when things are rough and falling apart in my hands

I’m constantly bracing for disaster Wondering where I stand I have to fight through this even though at times I feel like I’m alone

I sometimes feel like my so called acquaintances are using me and are sharpening the knife and waiting for me to turn around and stab me Maybe I need to start cutting people out of my life

I realize that some things are not working for me It always feels like I am one step away from my grave but the journey must go on This is not the end of the story Just the beginning of a new chapter

Forget what you know before I’m trying to throw away the baggage and not let my issues get the best of me I’m not dead I was just under the weather But I’m fighting through this This is not the end of me

This is a new day dawning I’ll be the Phoenix that rises from the ashes I’ll shine light on the dark This is not the last of me The weak sometimes become the strong I am determined to carry the journey on

Even through troubling times I will keep marching on There was a lot of obstacles that got in the way But I kept pushing I’ll keep pushing If you don’t give up on me I won’t give up on you

We can make it through Just hold on for me I will hold on for you One day I believe that this storm will pass and the sun will shine again

Each day is a new day dawning I am washing my hands clean from yesterday I am through with living in the past Today is a new day dawning

03-changes and rearranges-Welcome to a new phase of changes This is a new day dawning This time I am going all in Sometimes you have to take risks if you want rewards

Sometimes there is a price to pay but it is sometimes well worth it You can’t win if you don’t play You get nowhere sitting on the sidelines No more going back now

The bridge has been burned Maybe I might have made some enemies but fuck them

It is time to focus on my life And doing what I feel is right for me Maybe you’ve made some mistakes yourself nobody is perfect

but Who are you to throw my issues in my face and laugh about them Maybe one day you will find that you are on your own

Would you remember all of the times you took advantage of me But when I was seeking attention you turned your head and ignored me

Please don’t force yourself on me Just give me back what is mine and get the fuck out of my life All you ever did was sucked the life out of me like a broken toy you used and threw away

I regret all of the times wasted on you and not trying to fix myself I should be worrying about me and not trying to save everybody else A lot of times that is what is doing me in

So I am making some changes and doing some rearranging I am making some decisions that you might not like I am trying to make my environment a more comfortable place to live in

I am sorry not sorry if my plans doesn’t include you didnt mean for you I am making some changes and doing some rearranging I am making some decisions that you might not like 

I am sorry not sorry if my plans doesn’t include you

04-should-should i stay or run???......    Should I stay for you,Should I run away from you,Should I trust you or Should I be cautious around you. Every decision fucks with my head.

I can’t be too careful It feels like I am on pins and needles and I never have the answers why Doesn’t mean if you can do something that you should

I feel like I am living on the edge Not knowing where I stand I want to find love But I’m looking in all the wrong places All I get is feeling lonely Coming up empty handed Ending up feeling used

I don’t want to feel this way anymore.  Should I stay for you Should I run away from you Should I trust you or Should I be cautious around you I can’t be too careful Everything fucks with my head

It feels like I’m on pins and needles And never have the answers why Sometimes just feel lost and don’t know why 

It feels like love is a battlefield I am constantly worried about landmines Being told lies and tearing my heart apart Afraid of promises that can’t be kept I just feel so fragile 

Sometimes I feel like love is something hard to jump into

Should I stay for you Should I run away from you Should I trust you or Should I be cautious around you I can’t be too careful Everything fucks with my head

It feels like I’m on pins and needles And never have the answers why Sometimes just feel lost and don’t know why  Should I stay or should I go Sorry if you feel like I am cold But I am scared

I never know what I am walking into Cuz I never had a genuine long term relationship Should I pretend to be something I am not to get people to like me

Should I be constantly paranoid It feels like sometimes I can’t live my life

Should I stay for you Should I run away from you Should I trust you or Should I be cautious around you I can’t be too careful Everything fucks with my head

It feels like I’m on pins and needles And never have the answers why Sometimes just feel lost and don’t know why Doesn’t mean if you can do something that you should

05-uneducated guesses-I am making some uneducated guesses. We don’t always know where the road leads. Sometimes the light can shine the way. Sometimes it can blind you too.

Sometimes I miss the exit Gazing at the scenery. I got caught chasing a star falling in a black hole. I am holding on to what isn’t there. I’m hollow and empty.

Nobody knows how it is going to be. We learn through trial and error. I fell behind trying to get ahead. Maybe I am guilty of wanting something I can’t have.

I didn’t know that being so comfortable could be so dangerous. What was a safe zone has turned into a war zone. And there there doesn’t seem to be any going back to the way things used to be

06-1000 wrongs- Sometimes you have to go through 1000 wrongs until you find one right. Sometimes you have to step in the fire and burn the candle at both ends.

If you want to change the scenery you have to step out of the box. The bar is the new standard. Everything is going 1000 miles per hour it is too late to slow things down.

I can’t erase all the stupid things I’ve said and done. I can’t rewind to yesterday. I can only live for today

Answers sometimes come from the least likely of sources Sometimes you have to dig in the trash to succeed

I’ve been trying to read through the disguise Wondering through the great unknown Fighting through the pain Through whatever storms comes this way

Sometimes theres no reward without pain Sometimes theres no pleasure without responsibility There are no actions without consequences 

Sometimes you have to keep your own head in check and edit yourself

Sometimes you have to go through 1000 wrongs until you find one right I do believe that things happen for a reason I don’t believe that I am just a ghost of chance

Sometimes you have to cross the line to find out where the boundary lays 

Sometimes you have to tear down before you start building Sometimes new beginnings come from an ending

Sometimes a mistake has to be made before you can learn a lesson If you never try something you will never know Sometimes you have to go through 1000 wrongs to find one right

07-sacrifices-I am trying to reinvent myself I am trying to rearrange and readjust I am trying to put my feet forward Through whatever comes my way

This time I am not backing down I missed out on too much in my life I am trying to break the cycle I am tired of being on the bottom so I am trying to make some changes It is no more Mr. nice guy

Sometimes sacrifices have to be made to move forward If that makes me the enemy,so be it. I can’t stay paralyzed by fear If I am not moving forward I am moving backwards

I have to try to experiment new things If I want different results I have to do things differently I have to try not to let my past determine my future I have to not let those things define me

I am more than what meets the eye But I have to believe in myself Cuz if I don’t who else will I am making some sacrifices Analyzing what I need and what I need to cut out

Say goodbye to the life you knew before Burn the book about the past and just live in the now

08-how to go on-I feel like I’m too far gone,I can’t be saved,I’ve gone to a point of no return,Nothing will ever bring things back to good again

How to go on,When you lost everything you had   How do you stay strong,When everything in your world comes crashing down

How do you fight,When you are stripped of everything you had   How do you stay alive,When everything is dying around you

Hopes and dreams got washed away somewhere along the way,You’ve fallen from grace,You needed a shoulder to lean on, But that angel flew to heavenTheres nothing left Let go and save yourself

You have to be your own hero from here on out. Cuz you are only here for a moment. What would you want to be remembered for?

How to go on from this day forward How to find light out of the darkness How to turn tragedy into a work of art How to find beauty in the flaws

How to go on When it all seems to be ending How to write a new chapter On a blank page How to create something out of nothing How to smile through the sadness.

09- die too young-it’s a shame It isn’t the way things are supposed to be. What took years to build can come down in a split second. It is a shock to the system. I guess nothing lasts forever.

But I hate to see you go It hurts the way you left Moving on is hard sometimes But it’s what I’ve got to do Sometimes the best die too young We will be missing you (more than you know)

Don’t know if there is anything to take your pain away I wish I had the remedy But I admit I find myself struggling myself from here on out I have to help myself

I guess the times are hard and it is affecting everybody It is changing everybody Can’t recognize anything Nothing is what it seems People can put on a happy face but be suffering on the inside

You just don’t know anymore (i was completely lost and i didn't know anything)

Sometimes I say I’m ok when I am really not. It seems to be a stigma affecting everybody, but not really getting talked about. things keep getting swept under the rug. forgotten about until it is way too late

People like to run from the issues, But they are not going away. If I had the answers I wouldn’t be in the same boat. Sinking just like you.

i cant make it, i cant make it, holding on to you. i cant make it, i cant make it, holding on to you. i wished i could save you but you were too far gone. sometimes only the good die young.

10-cold as you-  I guess that you are a product of your environment. Look where I learned this shit from. You break the rules you make And expect us to follow

You're so 2faced You wonder why I don’t trust you If I became an asshole It is cuz you made me

I guess I can be as cold as you.   Unapologetic, Apathetic, Uninspiring and full of hate.  I guess I can be as cold as you

I guess I am as good as gone If you don’t appreciate what I’ve done for you When you turn around you will find that I will disappear All it ever seems that you only care about yourself and stab me in the back.     

I guess I can be as cold as you.  Unapologetic, Apathetic, Uninspiring and full of hate.  I guess I can be as cold as you.

Welcome to a new world There’s no turning back to yesterday Some of the things that mattered before are no longer relevant Some of the plans are out the window (got switched up)

Nothing is the same as before It is time to do some changing and rearranging and maybe the change is cutting you out of my life

I’m no longer sorry I wasted my life on people who don’t give a fuck about me I feel like sometimes it is time to leave without saying goodbye You probably wouldn’t even miss me,you disreguarded me.   

I guess I can be as cold as you. Unapologetic, Apathetic, Uninspiring and full of hate. I guess I can be as cold as you

Sometimes I just want this to end Sick of going through what I’ve been going through. I could be as cold as you.I could be unforgiving And mean too. I could be as cold as you.

11-reshaping-I see the trouble surfacing.Most of the time I try to tackle it when it comes. Rather than put it off til later. It is hard to concentrate in a world full of distractions.

Alarm bells going off in all directions And I don’t know how to shut them off. There are still a lot of things I don’t understand (can't process)

We are trying to live while we are dying. We are trying to move on While wanting to give up. We’re trying to be strong Even when we feel weak.

We are trying to overcome the odds Even when things don’t seem to be in our favor We are dancing with serpents And selling our soul to the devil

We are breaking our backs Just trying to get by Leaving our sanity at the door No way to get ahead It seems like if you want peace You have to go to war There is no more fun and games 

People are getting hurt and sorry I don't want the next person to be me

There isn’t any winners only losers Sometimes it seems like life is one complete lie Everybody is trying to take each other out Nobody on your side Sometimes it feels like everyone is against you

It seems like they take advantage of you and take credit for the work you did Nothing is easy anymore And things only get crazier as you go

I am afraid I can’t give you any more free rides while leaving myself high and dry,Sorry I hate to say but you are on your own.  

I am just trying to adjust to the weather for the colder days ahead We are breaking and bending and reshaping Everything changes and we don’t know what lies ahead 

You think you knew me before But probably not now Probably not anymore I am reshaping Sometimes even myself I can’t tell what I am what the hell am I becoming 

Walking in forgien land Don’t know which roads lead to where I guess I am just learning as I go

12-underdog-Sometimes to move forward means you have to make sacrifices Sometimes the answers lie hidden in plain sight Sometimes you never know unless you try What are you waiting for?

What if there was no tomorrow What if this was your only chance Would you give up or make the best of it

Sometimes I am panicking in fear. But I have to fight this instead of laying down and dying Sometimes you lose But you never win if you never play

I am trying to make something from nothing. Everybody tries to put me down. I might be the underdog But I’m trying to take your crown

Say what you want But I’m going to pull through this time You can never keep me down I may be the underdog But I am underestimated This time I am going to take your crown

Forget what you know Cuz everything is changing Sometimes losers win History was made to be rewritten So look down on me while I pull the rug from under your feet

All of this time I was flying under the radar But now the target will be on my back You hate what you can’t control

Cuz this time the tables are turning Cuz I am the underdog beating all odds The deck may be stacked against me But I will pull through this time. I am going to remove your crown.

13-dark song- Singing another dark song,It echoes in my head, It echoes in my head. still seem stuck on the same pattern. on repeat.

Singing another dark song Seems like I’m saying the same thing over and over again I don’t know any other way to word it Or give it to you 

This is the way I put out my thoughts and feelings Though it seems like things are just a blur Where is home? Does it exist I guess it's where you make it You make your own bed of nails 

I’ve burned the bridge to innocence Tell me now where did I go wrongCan’t carry along like this Too much shit on my mind Sometimes I guess I let it Eat me alive There is never any answers Only questions 

There is never any solutions The fight is continuing And straining And I honestly don’t know how much more I can take (i hold everything in stuffed down deep inside) 

More stuff coming in than I can process No understanding to this madness

Was it self inflicted?Who is the enemy?Don’t know who is to blame. But it doesn’t seem to be any control. Blind guesses into the unknown.

I used to sit on the sidelines But that is only going to get me killed.In a world civil war it so seems to be,Who will strike first?Whose side am I really on? Don’t really know what to believe anymore.

I guess sooner or later we will all be dead what am I really contributing to Is this going to help me Or sabotage me Should some changes be made I feel like I’m hitting a wall

Don’t know if it is a wall I put up around myself but it is not keeping me safe

My trust has gone away And I don’t know if it will ever come back Maybe I shoot myself in the foot and over&under think things Sometimes I over&under cautious Can’t live my life always scared

Sometimes I am even scared of myself Don’t know what I am capable of Nobody really gave me a chance A lot of times I was looked down on There is a lot up to what if

Always knew I was different since way back young Never understood why was afraid to talk about it Never really knew the right way to go about with this

More thoughts in my head and don’t know how to address them Maybe I am just a boy trapped in a grown man’s body Never really grew up Wanting to be something I am not

wanted to be like the rest of the kids but I am just a freak and an outcast Don’t really fit in anywhere I guess I am a nobody (dont belong)

Nobody really cares about your feelings Only about what you are putting out and giving to them I’m Trying to find more constructive ways to deal with the anger sadness and pain

but making all kinds of  mistakes over and over again.  another dark song in my head,It echoes in my head,It echoes in my head. still seem stuck in the same pattern over and over and over and over again

14-don't want to start over-What if i don’t want to start over?What if I’d rather watch this burn?What if I want to erase this all and Not begin again.

I can’t bear to hear the silence So I scream out loud Could you hear me out For just this once 

I don’t want to be in the middle I don’t want to have to pick a side Don’t want to be the center of the drama That’s why i tend to avoid certain people and things

Don’t want to be the gopher Don’t want to be your guinea pig Don’t want to be your experiment That when things fail you toss me in the trash

What if I don’t want to start over What if I don’t want to rewind and revisit the childhood  I am desperately trying to run away from

Is it helpful to go back to what was hurting me What is the remedy to black out I guess I can’t permanently erase the pain

What if I don’t want to start over?What if I just want to let this die? No...,  I don’t want to start over.

15-no promises- I am just trying to hold things all together while everything seems to be falling apart  I am just trying to stay strong while the weight of the world is dragging me down

I am just trying to rise above and pull through what at times seems like a nightmare  I am just trying to fight and do the best I can with what was given to me

Sometimes life hands you a raw deal Nobody knows what to expect  Things can be fucked up and rough sometimes  But I am fighting I am trying The world can be a cold,cold,cold place sometimes

Sometimes not a soul seems to care about what you’re going through Some people laugh at you and kick you when you are down 

I wish i could be be the one to save you,I wish i could help you. we can all use a little help. lately everything has been out of order and dont see a way to fix it

I'm sorry,I can’t be the person you want me to be I'm sorry that I can’t give you what you are looking for.Maybe sometimes things are not meant to be  I'm sorry,I can’t save you I have to save myself 

I don’t know where the answers lie Maybe the destination is farther down the road or got left behind  Maybe plans and dreams got lost in the shuffle  Nobody knows what lies ahead 

I am sorry but I can’t make any promises, I can’t make any promises. no promises please that you know you can't keep

16-said and done-I feel the instant checkmate  of folding under pressure.Sometimes the worlds demands feels like a gun pointed at you.

Why must everything go so fast is there a way to slow things down. Can’t settle down when I am stuck in panic mode

I feel the constant torture is having to walk in someone else’s shoes When I have issues of my own that I am not dealing with I try to hide and fake it like I am going to succeed But in reality I am failing

I feel like it is hard to love when you are not loved back It is hard to put the faith in believing what you can’t see It is hard to be creative when everything has been said and done before

I feel like there is always more to the story than whats been told It is hard to tell people what you think when it feels like nobody is listening or cares  a lot of times that is why in the past I held things in

I have been talking to a wall but that wall has become my best friend at least it doesn’t judge me back Giving up only lets the enemy win They laugh at you and tell you that you are weak

I can’t let them have the satisfaction I have to get up againI'm not the first and probably won’t be the last to say these things I’ve just been fed up that the cycle stays stuck in repeat 

Who's really listening It feels like everything has been said&done over&over again

17-pain revisitedJust tired broke&exhausted Don’t know what the fuck I’m doing wrong But things are obviously not working Not winning Fighting myself Trying to get ahead Falling behind Everytime

Shattered broken hearts Hopes&dreams were not what was I thought I had visioned Put all my chips on the table and still lost Feeling empty once again

Choking on the right words to say Don’t know if there is anything to make things right Another bridge washed away It feels like I’m drowning I’m running away but don’t know which direction I am running

Love is not free or without consequence It feels like chains I can’t break Like crushing weights I think I am the one getting played Maybe it is better to leave before I get left

It feels like this is dark song #2,Pain revisited,An aching void that can’t be filled No easy or simple fix Maybe I need someone to save me from myself

Should I rebuild Knowing that it is all going to come apart Trying to kill the negativity but it is all I seem to think It is hard to be positive when you reach rock bottom

Sometimes it feels like nobody wants to listen to me So I don’t say anything And keep things bottled inside I feel drained

Out of energy and ambition Out of will power to fight I feel like this life ain’t mine,I am not me anymore.

18-disconnected-Sometimes I feel disconnected I feel like I never belonged This world can sometimes be so cruel So that is why a lot of times I stay to myself

Don’t want to be involved in the drama I’ve got enough issues of my own Don’t want to be in the middle of a losing battle I’m tired of trying to fix everything that is broken when I am broken myself

Sorry but things can’t go back to the way they used to be I guess that we all forgotten all the things that we loved and the people who were by our side

But times are changing and there is nothing I recognize anymore My trust is not there People sometimes promise one thing and do another

Lately I feel like I have to do things my way and stop trying to satisfy others

Sometimes I feel so disconnected Don’t really know what I believe So many different sides of the story I don’t know where I stand

I am just trying to do what I think is right for me But sometimes my perception is off People sometimes look at me for answers but I am questioning myself

I lost interest in some of the things I used to love,I abandoned people I used to be close to,Sometimes I feel so distant and far away,Disconnected

19-resent-The more you try to change me makes me resent you more. I don’t know what you want me to be.But I can’t be you. I don’t see things the way you do

Sometimes we forget where the boundary line lays and it gets crossed. The more you press on the more I want to push away,Don’t you see it.

Does it make you mad that you can’t control me Was I not what you envisioned me to be All your plans of what you want me to be are breaking right in front of your eyes

I don’t know what you are wanting from me It seems like everything I do you don’t appreciate anything i do Seems like the same old song I don’t know if I can ever make you happy so I am leaving

I’ve fallen short of your expectations Seems like you were demanding things I can never give you

20-marching on-Like a soldier i'm marching on through this battlefield of great unknown. Maybe the load is a little heavy. Been traveling a rocky river road.

Sometimes you can’t tell where it starts or where it ends Sometimes we get caught up in the moment Trapped in our own thoughts.there is only so much going on.

Trying to figure this out While blindly walking in the unknown and all of the time and energy put in can get fucked up and wasted in a instant

I keep longing for somebody to hold on to But is there anybody there doesnt seem to be nobody there sometimes it is an army of one

But often the destination seems out of reach  I guess I have to keep traveling It isn’t over til I’m dead

Haters and jealous people try to bring me down  But I have something they don’t have that is love in my heart and compassion and empathy even in spite of all the bombshells dropped

Have you ever walked in somebody else’s shoes And seen the world with a different set of eyes everybody has a different perspective a different point of view

I try to keep an open mind I am a chameleon  I am a nomad I am a drifter Here today try not to be gone tomorrow  

The future is not promised. not set in stone. however I am always traveling trying to reach new sights I am always trying to find a better way 

i understand i cant fix past mistakes but can try not to make new ones and repeat them

Like a soldier i will keep marching on Trying to reach a new divide Looking for greener grass trying to reach new sights i wont give up or go down without a fight

Will the pain I deal with today be worth it for tomorrow.Sometimes you have to put in work to see results. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough.i have to push harder Like a soldier I will keep marching on

21-heart of you- to all the broken hearts out there this song is for you

i have a hard time looking at you. how can love be so cold. nothing hurts worse than a goodbye unspoken. falling4someone who doesnt love you back   

Giving the respirator to the breathless The sirens are going off and the lights are flashing It feels like I used life #9 

Facing the world feels like a total nightmare It could just be what I made things to be I don’t know When I am with you I feel like I have to be something I am not to impress you

Nothing ever seems to work If you can’t take me for who I am Then I guess this means the road 

I don’t know which way to go The heart of you I can’t seem to find Was it you or me that got left behind The ghost images still replay in my head Don’t know what I did right or wrong

Seemed that I got caught up in lies and broken promises that couldn’t be kept I felt I had no control over The puzzle pieces never seemed to fit And I was diving in a shallow bay

Sometimes I don’t listen to my own voice Something is telling me to stop This isn’t right Warning signs overlooked  Don’t know what is out to get me But the anxiety and fear of never knowing

We all point fingers at everyone else But nobody is an angel here I thought I knew the answers but I was clueless I didn’t know what I was looking for

I was just trying to reshape my life Into what I would like to be I am bending I guess what doesn’t break me makes me stronger

I don’t know which way to go The heart of you I can’t seem to find Was it you or me that got left behind The ghost images still replay in my head Don’t know what I did right or wrong

Seemed that I got caught up in lies and broken promises that couldn’t be kept I felt I had no control over The puzzle pieces never seemed to fit And I was diving in a shallow bay(drowning4nothing)

Didn’t know that things would be this cold Didn’t know that things would be this way Don’t know if there was anything I could have done to change this Or if it would even matter(just going2waste)

Didn’t know if this was even meant to be. Trying things that didn’t work.

I don’t know which way to go The heart of you I can’t seem to find Was it you or me that got left behind The ghost images still replay in my head Don’t know what I did right or wrong

Seemed that I got caught up in lies and broken promises that couldn’t be kept I felt I had no control over The puzzle pieces never seemed to fit And I was diving in a shallow bay

22-drifter boy-He is a drifter boy.A love that will never be yours.He is a drifter boy.Here todayGone tomorrow You try to catch him But he is the bird that flies away

He is a drifter boy You look for him But he has disappeared You want what you can’t have He is a drifter boy you are craving what you cant taste

Seasons have changed and summer is gone He has moved away He was everything you thought you were looking for That you thought you wanted But you didn’t know who you are

Were you looking for the you that you lost Somewhere along the way Through the Rocky road Lost in the shuffle Looking at every face Looking for answers That are not there

I longed for a drifter boy. I couldn’t hold on to. that i couldnt have. who always belonged to somebody else.

23-wash away- If you love someone would you let them go If you really cared for someone would you  Let them go

Maybe the feelings were not mutual Maybe there is something unknown Was there warning signs missed Maybe something just don’t feel right from the start

Was it you I wanted or was it missing out on friendships in my life and feeling empty  All i really wanted is to be loved but I guess maybe that was too much to ask for 

Was I begging for something that wasn’t there Guilty of wanting something I can’t have If you felt like I pushed you away I am sorry I was scared I am a little hesitant i don’t let people in that easily  

So if I choose you it means I thought that there was something special in you

I guess I misunderstood and am misunderstood sometimes I don’t mean to confuse you with my insecurities and my nervousness

I have been through a lot of shit in my life and maybe it is more than you can take I have made some mistakes and have some flaws I never said I was perfect but neither was you

Can we just wash away the stains of yesterday and start writing on a new page 

Stop dwelling on things can’t be controlled That have gone away and stop letting the demons eat us alive

Is there any closure to the haunted memories and regrets I would like to wash this all away Closure may never come As painful as it is I must accept it

Sometimes I long for  The things (answers) I will never know The people who are not right I Seem forever lost inside

Forgive and forget Live and let live Stop holding on to what isn’t there You can’t get yesterday back But you do have today Can we let this wash away try to move on with our lives

chapter#7-not4children 

1- houseless home-a houseless home with a revolving door with open arms letting go

I just gather my things and guess sleep where i land i'm tired of where i am but scared of whats to come  i think i know that things need to change it is just taking the first step

i guess home is anywhere i crash i'm pressing buttons i really dont know what this does but I'm trying to do something new

2-the pheonix-wake up baby please don't be dead are you the pheonix to rise from the ashes to rise from the ruins from the nothingness world this place seems to be

wake up baby can we brighten the darkness and turn this what seems to be ugly place into something beautiful no matter how much they disgrace us I believe we are works of art

don't stop being who you are (rise, show them who you are,dont lay down and die, rise and fight back, make a comeback,baby)

a different day a different world a different song a different light they might not understand but i'm listening I'm seeing trying to take it in. rekindle the fire,was down but not out watch it re-ignite

3- where does our dreams go?-when we fall where do we go? is there a bottom do we rise above or sink below

when we fall can we get back up again when we die when we fall,where does our dreams go? where does our dreams go?

when all hope ends and we are at the end of the rope where does our dreams go?

choking by our desire I guess it is the nature of the game sometimes sins seem self righteous we feel entitled while crossing the line  sometimes we feel safe while in danger

when we lose when we fall where does our dreams go? where does our dreams go? when hope ends and our lives are over, where does our dreams go? where does our dreams go?

4- fake it-they say fake it til you make it I pretend that I know what I am doing but really I am lost and clueless  you probably shouldn't come to me for answers cuz I'm in the weeds just like you

but I can show you how to fuck things up just unleash the anger and let everything come unglued  yeah I probably blew a fuse but people kept pressing buttons

who is really to blame everybody has a different opinon and you probably don't care to hear mine maybe sometimes I feel like it is better to be quiet

cuz I don't want to be your scapegoat I don't want to be your puppet I don't want to bow down to you you are not my master sometimes I rather be left the fuck alone

fake a smile when you are sad when you are mad when you want to tear the whole fucking world down

5- give in-Do I give in and not fight back Do I fuel the fire Drown the addiction Let the main enemy Get all the attention Do I help my attacker

What am I supposed to do Be a coward Be a crybaby I think I know who the real bullies are 

But do I really want to point them out And paint a bigger target on my back

You keep justifying your unforgivable behavior I guess I can never winThe game you keep rigging You are always changing the rules

You are the martyr You are the Fonz You think you are so special But I think you are stupid But go ahead and blame us like you always do Do I give in And let you win And take credit For what I did

6-fake friends-Do I get any closure or any answers it feels like I have to wait until I die and still come up empty handed

it feels like I am being short changed and cheated can’t get by where I stand right now but afraid to stand up afraid of any repercussions if I do anything I am labeled the enemy

Some people are out only to take but never give Tired of giving in I need to resist but sometimes feel overwhelmed 

They pretend to be friends but instead making broken promises telling you things that are too good to be true Like flies they stick on you like glue On payday. 

but if you’re are poor and in a bind they want nothing to do with you Tired of falling for your tricks and scams Been trying to get my life on track I don’t need phonies like youTrying to rip me off Just go away 

I have too many problems of my own than to deal with yoursYou’re a fake and a liar Fuck you Don’t come back again Leave me alone No more trying to save the world 

This time I am trying to save myself No more trying to please everyone I can’t be everything at once I can’t be everywhere at the same time There is only so much I can take 

How much can I bend till I break How much can I carry till I collapse It feels like things are getting too heavy

No more pretending to be something I am not No more trying to fake a smile for the benefit of you I read right through your disguise And your faceless lies

People are so shitty the only person I trust is myself People claim to have your back but when you turn around they are stabbing it 

7- GTFO-(warning: NOT 4 children!!!.., fasten your seatbelts and keep your hands in the vehicle at all times, not liable for any damages, enter at your own risk!!! if U dare)....

Medications for an incurable disease They are sugarcoating shit And passing it as candy

Everything is ok Until you hear the nighty news Another shooting somewhere Another war going on Another person committing suicide

I’ll send my thoughts and prayers But I don’t think it will do anything

Hey!, I will give you a free gun! While I cut funding for mental health Don’t you kids get it We are infecting The already sickened Everything we are told Are lies and scams

Get the fuck out. Try to keep your head.  Cuz it seems that nobody plays nice And has a grunge on somebody Pay with your life And leave with nothing

Have some respect while they cut you down Is a sacrifice best to be made For the benefit of someone else Who really doesn’t care about you Just leave you for dead

Get the fuck out. Try to leave with your head while it is still attached. Run!.........

8-brand new low- I don’t know if I will ever be me again Paralyzed by thoughts of you I’m trying to do what I need to do 

And you keep distracting me Putting the attention on you I really don’t know if I want to go through this anymore

Everyday seems to be a brand new low I don’t know how much more I can take I keep bending Trying not to break Things seem to get more confusing And I just can’t relate

Where did my mind go In outer space Trying to collect the pieces Scattered apart I am always lost Can’t seem to get things back to whole again

Everyday seems to be a brand new low I don’t know how much more I can take I keep bending Trying not to break  Things seem to get more confusing And I just can’t relate Who am I fighting for?

9- burn the bridge- burn,m'f*cker,burn,m'f*cker,burn!....   sometimes it is better to start from scratch. sometimes i feel like hitting the road and leave the old life behind.

i feel sometimes a lot of people don't care about me just to use me and throw me away. Are they really even friends???..?!?...?!?..........

burn the fucking bridge down! i'm never looking back. I'm done with you and feeling like i'm under attack sometimes the damage can't be repaired. so bulldoze the wreckage. light the match. never look back.  

burn,m'f*cker,burn,m'f*cker,burn!....  watch the flames grow to the sky. watch the flames glow in the sky,never look back, never looking back

¢heap$kate the cheap-  kill, obey, kill, obey. feed cheapskate the cheap,disposable,slavez,Xpendble, employeez, treat em' like dogs and replace them kill anybody who is out of line

kill, obey, kill obey. feed cheapskate the cheap

UR a pig, a monster, a thief. you come up with a different scam each week. you never worked for anything just forced others around while you claimed the benefits.

kill, obey, kill obey. feed cheapskate the cheap

10-too far gone-Am I too far gone Is there no saving me I’ve become someone I don’t know Slap me back to reality Where am I Can’t recognize where I am Everything is changing Including me

I guess that I am too far gone There isn’t any turning around I put a chair leg on desperation And have let it decide my fate

I’ve made some blind decisions Some have turned into regrets But I guess I accept it as the way it is

Am I too far gone Is there no saving me I’ve become someone I don’t know Slap me back to reality

Can’t recognize anything or anyone Everything is changing Including me I am too far gone And it is too late It is the bed that I made

11- invalid-Are my feelings valid Is my pain real Is my memories authentic Am I missing parts and pieces I can’t find I can never find

Where did I slip and feel off the rails I lost track I lost the life I was trying to live Does anything really even matter I’m feeling ever more hopeless

Is it better to fake like who I am not Is it self made traumatization Reinflicting every time I go back in the past Demons I can’t seem to escape

12- reset-Reset, I wish I had a reset button. Reset, Some people I wish I never met. Reset, I wish life had a reset button

Fuck all these 2 faced users & abusers I keep bending over backwards For people who shit on me But they won’t do the same for me

Reset, Erase, Tired of the game people play Reset, Erase,Would I even want to go through this again,NO!,Reset I wish life had a reset button

13- game over-I lost before the game began. Game over! In the weeds to begin with, Game over! I should let you know I’m not good at this

It is game over right from the start I feel like a fish out of water I feel achored to the bottom(Drowning)

When it comes to meeting people Dates and interviews I feel so nervous and weird  Nothing seems to go out right I feel so different Way out in left field (So lost)

I pretend I got things under control But really I don’t. I work hard but is it for the right reasons. Am I playing smart  Or being played. I believe I’ve been through this Time and Time again before

They say,Sometimes you have to lose yourself To find the way Sometimes you have to fall Before you get back up

Game over! Meet your maker. Game over! Should I be a faker. Game over! Trying for something that is not there. Game over! I guess I knew that life is not fair.

Life is a bitter pill Suck a dick and swallow Cuz it seems like We are dragged by an upper hand Holding us down

Will we ever forfill our dreams If we never grow old? Will we ever get to love In a world so cold? Was hope dead Before we were born?

Don’t know who is the enemy Everything seems to turned evil It looks like I am a one man army  Fucked and cheated and left with nothing I guess that this is how things are going to be

14- bring your guns-  you better bring your guns cuz we are going to war!...

fighting for the rights you stole from us. you are taking all that you didn't work for. you are so self entitled and privileged wearing the crown you didn't earn

you are the very murderer or peace. preaching your hate speech repeating your lies. you are so misdirecting. causing chaos and confusion and destruction.

you never really helped anyone only mocked them and hurt them and kicked them when they were down.

i guess that we can never be friends. it was clearly not your intent to be nice just to trick and use and betray people. it would be trouble taking me alive.

15- stranger-  I try to do what I can on my own. but at times I feel overwelmed. it feels like I've got too much going on at once

and obivisly there is no on/off switch no way to slow things down when they seem to be going faster and faster sometimes I am freaking out but I try to put a poker face on fake like I'm calm

do you really know me? sometimes I dont know myself. am I insane? some probably say so. so say whay you want. cuz i'm a stranger to myself. I don't know who I am.

I am a stranger to myself and I can't recognize the danger and the threats. I am unaware. 

I am a stranger to myself and I am scared of what I can or could do. I'm a stranger to myself

16-please be mine- I Try to play it cool but I have no fucking idea of how to do this it seems like I suck at this 

I want to try to find someone to spend the rest of my life with  but when I talk to people I get nervous and freeze up  I fear that I am making mistakes 

i guess I just need to be myself and not try to put on a show  the real true friends will stay around even though the darkest of times 

I am not really looking for something temporary I am looking for something long term but I don’t know if I can pull through  I just wish I had someone to help me along

Sometimes I feel like I had it in my hands then it slips away and breaks 

I’ll invite you into my life And should warn you I have demons inside me that beat me up I am not prepared for what people are going to do or say

Sometimes I feel like the fruit in a blender Coming apart I don’t want to lose you But sometimes I don’t have myself all together

I will try to be there for you If you are there for me I understand that sometimes things get in the way And promises can’t be kept

I want someone to spend the rest of my life with but have so much going on Will I meet someone loyal to me and will I be able to commit Everything is got me scared

But I don’t really want to be alone all my life I guess if I want something I don’t have I have to do something I have never done

I’ve been wondering in the darkness Never knowing where I end up Putting trust in blind faith Not seeing the light But hoping it is there

I want you to ride with me And please give me a chance I want you to please be mine and I want to be yours 

Will you come with me I think I want you But I am scared  What if this don’t work out I guess I just have to be myself And stop worrying what others think Maybe that is what is getting me in trouble

I don’t mean just getting in bed together I would like a friend to hang out with maybe play video games with or go on road trips

I was never the social butterfly I typically for the most part stay to myself for the most part

Although sometimes in life sometimes things can be complicated I rather enjoy the simple things. I would like someone to spend my life with if it is ok with you

Please be mine And I will be yours Let’s see where this goes Nobody likes to go alone I will try to never do you wrong

I guess I am a sucker for being a fool does that make me uncool, I am probably dreaming of what I can never have

I will probably end up home alone with my dick in my hand. My only friend seems to be myself it sometimes seems. i am just a geek, nobody wants me

17- in a different world-Am I hallucinating? Am I dreaming? Does my heart tells lies? In a different world In a different demesion Maybe I could find you there 

In a different time In a different place Am I hopeless Am I desperate Am I a fool Maybe so

Dreaming of someone to hold To be my friend To be my lover Until the end (but this is the end) All I really want is to be loved Don’t you?..  Am I hopeless Am I desperate Am I a fool Maybe so

In a different world In a different demesion Maybe I could find you there In another time In another place Are you hiding in plain sight

In a different setting In a different vibe Maybe we could align If things wasn’t such a disaster If things wasn’t out of order If it was in the cards(but the whole deck wasn't there)

In a different world In a different life Maybe I could find you there In a different world In a different demesion Maybe I could find you there

We both are like aliens If there was a way we can connect In a different world In a different demesion Maybe I could find you there In another time In another place

Am I hopeless Am I desperate Am I a fool Maybe so If only if we were in a different world In a different world, Cut this shit out  Lets be real

18- despise- You choose to ignore But people are traumatized Do you really care Or just saying things To get me on your side

I believe I am done fighting I believe I am done trying I believe I have seen too much I rather be blind. 

Is being dead better than living? Help me now,Save me now Before I find out

If I carry on Will what I do be appreciated Why do some people hate me for just being me I feel I can’t change

You can’t convert me My thoughts and feelings can’t be altered You’re just delaying the inevitable Bringing out the beast in me

I despise everything you are putting me through Hope one day you get your turn 

I despise everything that you want me to me Hope one day You get what you deserve

19- making moves-I’m making moves And I really don’t give a Fuck What you think

I’m making moves And don’t really care anymore What people think

I have to do what is right for me Not necessary what is right for you They say kill or be killed And I am doing the killing  I’m not about to die  Under your evil  false delusions

Maybe I have to be the villain Maybe I have to be the bad guy And cut the cord Tides are turning Roles are being reversed Cut the bullshit Go straight to the chase

I don’t want to be the killer,I don’t want to be the enemy,I don’t want to be the killer,But I don’t want to be killed either

Ticking time bombs Are about to go off How long do you think Things will stay the same It is time to identify Threats and triggers And handle them accordingly

I don’t want to be the killer,I don’t want to be the enemy,I don’t want to be the killer, But I don’t want to be killed either

I’m making moves Left and right Side to side Watch out I will no longer be the quiet kid in corner I’m speaking out

20- someday (wake of a dream)- maybe there is more than i know maybe these bumps in the road mean i was meant for a different destination

maybe there is more than meets the eye there seems to be so much going on conflicting in my mind. I put my pain and feelings on display showing you that i am vulnerable but is it even enough

maybe this emptyness and hollowness was to make room for something better. maybe my impatience is urking for something to fill the void (am i trying too hard)

I keep looking for a sign i can never find maybe i drove on by it and didnt realize maybe there is something better in store that could be why this opportunity fell through

is there really a first or last place i have been running life like as if it was a race is there really a right or wrong way it feels like i have been losing all this time don't know what it takes to win

someday would you find these memories caught in the wake of a dream

someday would you find the words flowing into a stream i know there is a lot on the table pick and choose what you like and leave the rest

21- prove me wrong- you want answers sorry i still have more ?s why must everything be about you and your side

i'm getting sick of the lies and the games if you are going to make promises you better be able to keep them or save your breath

cuz i feel like i am underwear by your hands the words you say only cut me down, down, down, down, down

i might be far from perfect but i am not the only one who is at fault

i'm so scared anymore skeptical of everyone i meet looking over my shoulder never trusting

please prove me wrong that you are not one of those scumbags trying to capitalize by my misfortunes

please prove me wrong that there is still some good left in what seems to be an evil world

please prove me wrong that love isnt just a lie please prove me wrong

cuz i have been consumed by hypocritcy ever changing theories trying a whole bunch of things many of them didnt work

i feel dumbfounded (paralyzed) like i am stuck under some kind of spell and i cant break this curse

choking for the right words to say stumbling over my own feet to reach my destination (coming up short)

I am skeptical of everthing looking over my shoulder never trusting anything

please prove me wrong that there is still some good left in what seems to be an evil world

please prove me wrong that love is not a lie please prove me wrong that dreams are not dead

have we all been programmed how to hate is it too late to undo this

it seems like we are possessed by something but i dont know what the trigger is

22- i surrender- WTF am i fighting for? why am i everybodys whore? who is really keeping score?, I surrender

stepping on a battlefield of an unwinnable war why do i keep contributing to things and people that are not helping only hurting to me

this isn't really what i stand for so why am i fighting for it? does it take a fallout or a disaster to see a problem or an issue?

do we be proactive or procastenate or abandon do we pull the wool over our eyes pretend the problems don't exist

i try to stay calm sometimes no one seems to know or care about the feelings i've been harboring

to be a quiter isnt really how i want to end up to be known for but sometimes it is better off to

23- making a living-I feel like what I am making Isn’t enough I’m having trouble Covering rent Car insurance Keeping my phone on The list goes on But the bosses don’t care

Am I making a living Or just feeding a wolf Feeding a machine Chopping off our arms and legs Is there an American dream Or is it stolen? Is it dead? Am I just a corporate X’s bitch boy (throwin' my life away)

Where the fuck am I Nothing I can recognize Is hope just a lie False promises broken Now I am scrambling for my life Misdirected Confused was told that things would get better But I'm feeling more sick

Everything I see I hate Is there any love left I’m almost to a point where I don’t care anymore  So why do I keep coming back Trying to make a living Killing myself in the process(getting short changed)

Enabling the ones Who keep insulting me Putting me down I’m trying to find a way to make this stop Without hurting myself But I don’t know how

Am I really making a living Or feeding a money pit Is this really just a disaster

24- my imaginary friends- My imaginary friends They don’t put me down, They don’t put me down

My imaginary friends, They don’t put me down They don’t put me down

Sometimes I want to run and hide From this insane world.  My imaginary friends They are always around Even when I am at my worst

Hate has consumed me I just want to look away Everybody thinks they have a right to judge me But they really don’t know me

I want to escape Black everything out Drown the silence out Something to fill the void

The joke is on me The game played me I thought I could trust But that was a grave mistake

Clutter my mind with chaos and lies Hit me when I am at my lowest Sometimes I find I’m better off alone Away from you

My imaginary friends They don’t put me down, They don’t put me down My imaginary friends, They don’t put me down They don’t put me down

I just want to run and hide From this insane world My imaginary friends They are always around Even when I am at my lowest

chapter#8- close to human 

1-loin (intro)- i try to be tame but I am just a loin in a cage, held caged inside, the unresolved feelings and issues and anger caged inside

Haven’t figured out what to make of this Maybe I don’t present things the right or normal way or what you were expecting

I don’t really know what you were wanting from me  Was I not the person you were hoping I’d be  If you really knew me and the dark side of me Would you stay or would you leave 

It seems like a lot of times you get kicked when you are down and when you need support i try to be tame but I am just a loin in a cage 

2-dead battery-  need to recharge, I feel dead and drained,no energy to fight this, the pain is overwelming

tell me where to see daylight, cuz I feel like a dead battery all my power is used up (wasted) 

dead battery, no juice, no spark,no light, dead battery, Dead battery!!!

workin' but not earnin' a slave to life carrying getting crushed really nothing new or special   

dead battery, no juice, no spark,no light, dead battery, Dead battery!!!

3-fight inside-  The fight inside Brings out the warrior inside,Brings out things in me I didn’t think I had

The fight inside is never ending Like a machine It never sleeps The fight inside Is not giving up Is not going away

Does the issues force itself Or do you take action Do you try to call for help Or do you try to take it on alone

Do you get way ahead Or fall too far down the line Are you holding on Or are you letting go

The fight inside Brings out the warrior inside Brings out things in me I didn’t think I had The fight inside is never ending Like a machine It never sleeps

The fight inside Is not giving up Is not going away, I’m not giving up, I’m not going away

4-key to my heart- Turning on wasted dead end,Washed up on shore on remote island,Never to be found

Driving for miles in circles,Still lost Seems to be the same story Going home alone every time

I gave you the key to my heart And you threw it in the bay I gave you the key to my heart Then you just left me to drown

I guess I’m empty emotionless Feel like nobody really gives a damn So I secluded myself So nobody can hurt me again

I gave you the key to my heart And you threw it in the bay I gave you the key to my heart Then you just left me to drown

I should not have put my faith In someone elses hands They always seem to crush it every time

I gave you the key to my heart And you threw it in the bay I gave you the key to my heart Then you left me to drown

I gave you the key to my heart And you threw it in the bay I gave you the key to my heart And you left me To watch me drown

5-angel or devil-  I feel like an animal Never tame A little part insane Maybe demented Maybe derangedSometimes feel couped up in a cage

Angel or devil, I can’t decide Angel or devil, Can’t tell which side I’m on

I’m feeling like a monster Full of rage Sometimes feel like a freak Don’t know how to unleash

Angel or devil, I can’t decide Angel or devil, Can’t tell which side I’m on Angel or devil, I can’t decide Angel or devil, Can’t tell which side I’m on

Sometimes feel like being pushed off the edge And don’t have much of a choice Angel or devil, I can’t decide Angel or devil, Can’t tell which side I’m on

6-if i'm dead- If I’m dead Just turn the other way like you do,It’s ok.   If I’m dead Just toss me in the trash like you do, It’s ok

Just cuz I’m not like you Means it is ok To treat me like you do   If I am dead Just turn the other way Disregard me like you do, It’s ok

7-fly away-  Sometimes I wish I could fly away And disappear Never to return Away from this hell Currently called home Whatever the fuck it is

I just want to fly away Be somebody else for one day Walk in someone’s shoes People don’t really know me in person But are quick to make judgements Without doing any research

I am so tired of the bullshit Ready to pack my bags and leave Don’t care what state or country I end up landing in I said this time and time before But one day I think I will actually do it

Tired of the same bullshit the same drama over and over again I’m going to fly away Disappear Never to return Away from this cold world 

Away from this dead town That no longer feels like home I’m going to fly away And tell no one where I’m going

I think I am to the point that I have had enough I’m going to fly away and disappear Never to return I’m never going to return

8-busy world- Sometimes I’m lucky to survive A lot of things could have happened to me I guess that I should be grateful Yet half of the time I still feel down (i don't know why)

Guess I feel overwhelmed Have too many strikes against me Feel overloaded A lot of changes It is hard to process Trying to adapt But feels like I am breaking Being swallowed whole

Maybe trying to do too much And I don’t know If I can pull this off Guess I’ll never find the answers Chasing what I can never recover My mind lost in the drift Nobody seems to be available to talk

In a busy world, It is hard to tell what is more important In a busy world, Problems stack over each other I seem to get tacked and ran over I guess I have let it

Why am I on stand by Feels like my life passed me by Can’t really stay on stand by Need to make changes Left and right Or the changes will be made on me

In a busy world There is no time to wait The chances will pass you by And nobody really cares

A lot of times I asked for help And people just Showed me the door They kept running me over Leaving me for dead

Can never be too cautious and on guard In a busy world Where it seems like everything is out to get you

9-back 2 life- Try to revive What previously went to waste But it wasn’t truly gone Still inside my mind and heart Silent no more

Now I am target #1 I fall down but I get back up I’m the dandilion you cut down And grows right back Watch the wrath come back to life

The demons are reawakened It really wasn’t ever dead Watch the sunrise resurface What you bring on You are not immune from Watch the curses come back to life, 10 fold

Tables twisting turning Old becomes new again It’s really no surprise If you are not playing You are getting played There is some truth That hides behind the lies Watch the dead come back to life

10-#1- I try to bleed Just to be your #1 Anything Just to overcome (To break the ice) I try to bleed Just to be your #1 But I feel like I am in last place

The awkward silence is piercing loud I’d like to think I’d be around for you but it is a promise i can't make

I don’t know what to say Those words are hard to come out I don’t want this to be a mistake

11-close to human- i feel like sometimes things are not real. i feel like a robot, my feeling don't seem real, i feel like a robot, on autopilot, damaged, malfunctioned, deprogrammed

Did someone’s darkness stole your shine Did a heartless heart infected your soul Try not to let the hatred burn you

The feelings you’ve been bottling inside, Release them Try not to let them tie you down anymore Mislead by an imposter you trusted That got you when you were not expecting Left you on all fours

Is this a eulogy for my conscience Cuz I’ve lost myself Trying to follow everybody else The ever whirlwind of changes are fast pace It seems too hard to keep up

Collecting things that reminds you of memories To try to validate you  to make you feel like you are something close to real Something close to human

did someones darkness stole your shine did a heartless heart infected your soul try not to let the hatred burn you

12-4 real?- are you even real? Are you imagination or imitation?... Anything or anybody for real And not a hoax Not a joke Why am I falling for nothing?

Anything for real Tired of chasing lies Feeling mislead all of this time Tired of falling for nothing i keep repeating over again Tired of falling for nothing

Hypocritcy conspiracy So many different stories So many sides It is hard to tell who is serious A lot of mother fuckers playing Got me on the edge Not trusting Not believing

Are you just another one of those jokers Trying to play tricks on me Is there anything or anyone for real Are you real or make believe?  Are you imagination or imitation?

13- dealz w/ devilz- love turned haywire fantasy turned nightmare life turned dead sunlight turned to a storm pitch black

cute pretty turned dangerous no longer fun or games people are getting hurt & dying

my empathy turned almost nonexistant confused on whose side i am on making dealz with devilz just to live choking on the breath just to breathe

real life monsters dont hide in closets they are in plain sight

14- what are you waiting for- what are you waiting for? stand out be adaptable be proactive try to push yourself if you see something out of line try to correct it than let the issues get to you

try to come up with solutions not problems dont wait til it is too late and you wished you did this sooner

what are you waiting for? there is no better time to start than right now why put off til tomorrow what you can do today if this was your last day can you check this off your list?

15-I don't know you anymore I don’t know you anymore You are saying shit I just ignore 

You keep pointing fingers of all these things that you want from me, That you want from me But I’m not giving

You keep bragging and taunting But don’t deliver Missing in action in the spotlight Your same old re-run show is getting boring

I don’t know you anymore You keep saying shit I just ignore 

You keep pointing fingers Of all these things that you want from me That you want from me But I’m not giving

Sorry I tried I can’t fake what is not there There is no fire The embers are cold I don’t think that there was really anything there

16- are you 2 good 4 goodbye?-Nah I’m good,You seem too good to come around,Are you too good, too good for goodbye

Everybody is expecting results then never stay true to their word,So no,I don’t know people anymore

You were quick to slam the door,So no, The opportunity is not open anymore, The offer is no longer on the table

You seem too good for me,You seem too good for goodbye,Are you too good for goodbye?

Commitments never intended to be kept People never stay true to their word,So no, I don’t care anymore, no, no. no. no.......

Are you too good,too good for goodbye, You seem too good for goodbye,Are you too good,too good for goodbye? are you too good for goodbye

17-sing anyway-When the world is dying When it seems to be the end I will try to still be right here singing to my last breath

I know there is strikes against me,There are knives in my heart,But I swear it’s still beating,

Sometimes I try to be a hero to be someones inspiration Even under the shadows but im just a zero

A lot of other people could be walking in the same shoes as me I'll just try to 

Take the air and breathe it in Cuz you never know when you will get that gift again (there are no promises)

Truth is everything is changing move like it is your last beat what do you

Life doesn’t give you instructions ones point of view is different than another gotta pave my own lane

No one knows if this could be your swan song,so don’t really care,So sing it anyway,Like there is no tomorrow

Sing it away,Let your story be told,Even if others don’t believe,Sing it anyway,Just sing anyway

chapter#9-IX 

1-don't want to be here anymore-  i am losing interest in living, losing interest in living. where am I?...Halfway out the door,Don’t know myself anymore Just a ghost,Not seen, Not heard. 

What even matters anymore Signs missed and ignored Is it even worth the effort Am I throwing myself away For everything to be taken in vein

Hate the situation,Feel like everything is tugOwar,PushNpull shred'N me apart,Don’t know if I even have a heart anymore (i guess i don't)

Put me out of my misery, Don’t want to be here anymore Halfway down the hole 

Tired of climbing anymore Sometimes I want to let go  Don’t see a reason to continue

Not everyone can be satisfied,Tired of living lies,Stuck in the middle,Don’t want to be here anymore... 

dont want to be here,just want to be really gone,don't want to be here anymore

2-delete me-do i even know me? so lost and confused things never seem right i can never get things right so just forget about me you never cared about me anyway

just delete me erase me out of your life i am a nobody i dont mean anything i'll never be the perfect son brother uncle or friend so just delete me erase me would you even miss me,probably not

cuz i guess i'm never there lost my priorities and stopped taking care of myself or you never being there for you

i am a failure to everyone who i was supposed to be on thier side however i cant keep every promise to everyone

I don't feel like it is right to wait til someone dies to come around I feel like a horrable person I feel like I've failed my family don't know what I can really do

nothing ever seems to be good enough to you i am useless so just delete me like you don't know me cuz I don't know you either

3- me vs myself- i'm breaking, i'm falling,driving 1000mph, what signs am i missing? my thoughts spinning, all the songs sound the same

its me vs myself and i'm doing a very good job of losing dont know where i stand, i keep falling over myself, i keep falling over myself, fighting an invisible nuclear war against myself, self destructing

4-dumb blind fool- Sometimes nobody knows Or cares about the struggles Only takes what they want And leaves you on the tracks

I can’t believe half the bullshit that was dumped at me But somehow I should had known Saw this coming time and time before

Why didnt i stop this???Why didn’t I run??? I’m a sucker for the pain I’m a sucker for the abuse Why did I keep coming back Was I a dumb blind fool?

There was no compassion, There was no ambition, There was no satisfaction, Why did I allow this? Why did I act like nothing was wrong

Didn’t want the spotlight To be the target But got on board and went under Trusting things that wasn’t true Following things that was misguiding, I was a dumb blind fool. just a dumb blind fool.

5-invisible- i am invisible, nobody sees my pain, nobody sees my battle, i am an invisible soldier fighting a war i started against myself

invisible prisoner, in a fortress i built myself, i cant get out of it, i am trapped,and no one sees me

is this you or a scripted version of you?is this me or am I just pulled by strings?is the story being told even true or opinion?what side should I be on???

don't remember how this started but now I don't see an end,don't know what state I'm in,I'm trespassing on borrowed time

there is nothing I feel I can say or do to stop people from being offended should I tell you want you want to hear

my feelings are invisible nobody sees nobody would care or understand even if i tryed to explain

6-middle of nowhere-doctor doctor,please make life more tolerable, please make life more tolerable 

i drove for miles in the middle of nowhere past midnight to find nobody maybe just to find myself in hindsight (vision not 20/20)

got lost in the supermaket forgetting what i came in for (reaching for my sanity that i cant get a grip on) found myself in the middle of nowhere

thought i was looking for love or a soulmate but maybe that wasn't true 

looking for love that is really lust inside every boy i see can't shake myself from this dream i think that i know that I am lost

i drove for miles in the middle of nowhere past midnight to find nobody maybe just to find myself in hindsight (vision not 20/20)

got lost in the supermaket forgetting what i came in for (reaching for my sanity that i cant get a grip on) found myself in the middle of nowhere

thought i was looking for love or a soulmate but maybe that wasn't true. 

give me a reason to make a rest stop. to make this place my new permanent residence

i drove for miles in the middle of nowhere past midnight to find nobody maybe just to find myself in hindsight (vision not 20/20)

got lost in the supermaket forgetting what i came in for (reaching for my sanity that i cant get a grip on) found myself in the middle of nowhere

thought i was looking for love or a soulmate give me a reason to make a rest stop. to make this place my new permanent residence

7-friendly fire-i miss myself i guess i have to amit cant bring back a time to when things were alright 

i want to force a smile for you but it isnt (doesnt feel) real

if we could live one day without the agony people i guess are always judgemental i feel like i cant do anything  i amit i have been just as bad i have just as mean and cold

if we could care for eachother there wouldn't be hate and animosity why do we take stabs at eachother nobody wins

doesnt sound friendly anymore guess there is nothing steady or sturdy anymore sometimes i want out of this cruel world and out of this head of mine it feels like everything good is dead

8-comply-were you a puppet manipulated,misused, were you a goepher taken advantage of and abused, were you?..   Comply,Life denied. Comply to their orders for you to dig your own grave

Comply to a broken system  Breaking you Misdirected misconstrued Demons and devils dressed as saints Heard it all this time but why was I blind

Why did I deny something was wrong Til I hit rock bottom and couldn’t recover Couldn’t be saved Don’t let this become you

Do you have to follow everything Maybe you should take the lead If you want your life back

Letting others dictate you Ends up letting them own you Sometimes a break in the cycle is what is needed 

Are you among the walking dead?Mindless manipulated,You’ve got yourself to blame,Comply,Life denied

9-right here- why do you keep frontin(boy) pretending to be things you are not looking like a idiot 

why do you keep playing knowing damn well you are losing please just come home you don't have to keep searching anymore

why you keep choking wanting things you dont have but don't really need look deep down and realize what you are looking for is right here in front of you

money cant buy this it is deep inside of your soul maybe if you look deep down you had in you all along

why do you keep chasing down people/things you can never have faking things that is not you

why you keep frontin looking like a clown why you keep playing realizing you are losing never winning,  do you realize what you need is right here in front of you

10-yesterdays news-i forgot the feelings i've went numb yesterdays news is todays cant believe what kind of shit i'm handed but feel like i have no choice but to go along

break me down one last time yesterdays news is tomorrows cant seem to find an upside to this madness

trying to find a place in this world is exhausting,but i can't get discouraged trying to get ahead is mind blowing when you are not even getting by

take 2 steps fall 1000 behind feels set up that way should be a crime step back in line they'll do it again

nobody really tryed to help me just left me here I guess it is the reason why I don't really care but I know that it probaby isn't an excuse 

adding to the addiction doesnt help but makes an easy scapegoat fueling the destruction

11-underwater-he knows he is underwater he doesn't need to be reminded. he knows he is sinking he doesn't need another anchor.

the waves keep crashing stronger and harder erasing the shoreline he knows he is over his head if you cared would you reach or just watch

would you let him drown. would you hold him down, would you hold him down?!?!

12- distance-maybe i need some distance from this place sometimes distance is needed sometimes distance is good

sometimes silence is an answer sometimes it is better to leave and not fix everyones messes

sometimes there is no practice you just jump into it hands on with no introduction i cant put myself in your shoes

sometimes the distance is closer than you think sometimes it is just harder by what you made things out to be sometimes me too i tend to overthink

but need to put the past in the past new day forward,ride off in the distance (just ride) just ride off in the night changes are coming

13- better off alone-do i really need you picking me tearing me apart why do I keep letting this happen? maybe I am finding that I am better off alone

do I really need the fights that I can't seem to win do I really need to drop to your level while holding myself back for you

I'm sick and tired of the games I was dumb for playing along I put my trust in you while you sold me down the river(never again)

I think I know what I need to do cut the bullshit break the cycle end what isnt working 

if you ain't all in for me why should I be all in for you do I really need this maybe I am better off alone

i am better out alone than to be with someone who is not right for me I want my life back is that too much to ask for 

why do I have to be you to make you happy sacrificing myself i'm tired of being the yes person here can you handle this? 

NO! is an answer leave me alone NO! you don't own me and NO! i don't owe you leave me alone and get the fuck out of my life

14-hate-if i only loved myself i could love you, if only if we loved eachother what a better place this world would be

why does everything seem so hateful? (so hateful) why does everybody seem so hateful? (so hateful)

sometimes I hate myself don't think I'm capable to love sometimes I can't bring myself to care how can anybody love me when I don't love myself

sometimes I hate myself and I hate you cuz I can't be like you sometimes I hate myself I hate to live I can't seem to find any good in this world sometimes 

sometimes I hate myself and don't want to exist (if i only loved myself i could love you)

why does everything seem so hateful? (so hateful) why does everybody seem so hateful? (so hateful) 

why is everything so hateful(so hateful) why is everything so hateful?

15-out of my mind-i'm out of my f'n mind, out of my f'n mind gone too far in the weeds again out of my f'n mind,i'm out of my f'n mind

have I've gone blind people I tryed to please to like me took the sword and put it in my back my kindness was used as weakness I'm afraid my trust is gone again

i'm out of my f'n mind,out of my f'n mind burned all the bridges to innocence,i'm out of my f'n mind,please bring it back

i'm out of my f'n mind,out of my f'n mind used up all of my lifelines i'm out of my f'n mind can you refresh my memory

the damage is done cannot be repaired look at the aftermath it is plain to see we can't go back there is nothing to go back to

i'm out of my f'n mind,out of my f'n mind, i'm out of my f'n mind and I'm never coming back

16- ups & downs- would anyone be willing to stick around through my ups and downs can i find balance in the instabilty can i find organization in the disarray can i find normally in the dysfunction

would anybody be willing to ride this rollercoaster would anybody want to stick around through my ups and downs

I have been inconsistant sometimes i can be good sometimes i can be bad sometimes i can be happy sometimes i can be mad would anybody want to stick around and deal with my shit

I never seem to be able to find peace would anybody be willing to take the time and deal with my impatience

if anybody knew all of the halfs and the truths would they stay or leave would anybody be willing to stick around through all of the ups and downs

17- same place- I’ve been trying to get things right But things couldn’t be more all wrong 

Been doing things for the wrong reasons Is this helping me or just for your gratification I feel like I am done feeding this

Can you help me fill this void Been acheing for so long Way too late I’ll never belong  Can you help me Clear my mind Tangled in the fog Feels like I am always bolted down

Give me another pill To make me sick I’ll never be cured,Run,run,run away But where am I going Is it the same place I’ve been trying to avoid for so long

Can I bring myself to love myself After all the mistakes that were made

18-unscripted-Here this goes no pen or paper Unscripted unplanned I have been inconsistent Either everything at once Or nothing at all

What would anybody care about me When half the time I don’t value my own life or care about my own

Maybe at times I’ve been a train wreck I’ve been trying to hide it under the surface But I think it’s starting to show I can’t fake this anymore I am not happy

Have felt this way for a very long time Can’t break the spell 

Sometimes I want to blow my fuck'n brains out Or jump off a bridge Or hang myself Sorry for setting off triggers But this is how I truly feel

I can’t hide it anymore Can’t get off incognito Unscathed The catch 22 has caught me again I am drowning by the water I poured over top of myself

19- come around/ hang- Nobody will come around Nobody wants to hear about my problems 

If I cried for help would you answer or would you block me out Does anything even matter at all

If I told you I was suicidal Would you just ignore and let me kill myself I am starting to think that nobody really cares That is why neither do I

Why come around when I am wasting my time Nobody wants me here 

If I come around Would I even be wanted Would you kick me out don’t feel like I have a home dont belong anywhere

You count my mistakes But never my accomplishments Sometimes I feel like everybody hates me for things I can’t control

If I come around Would you even care Find a way to avoid me Or make me leave. I guess i am only as good as what i can give to people

Nothing I say or do seems to matter Why should I come around When I’m not wanted

You wouldn’t come around  You’d leave me to hang I see how you are Get your fix and leave Just leave me to hang

I see how you are I won’t soon forget Leave me high Leave me dry you wouldnt come around just leave me to hang

20-final straw-  This is my final straw This is where the lines are drawn Why should I have to answer to a world(A society)That doesn’t answer me(That doesn’t really do shit for me)

Why should I have to change for you I’m begining to think That this is not right for me  Maybe the only way is to leave Who would even come around If I showed my true colors 

I am beginning to think Not one Nobody cares about me Nobody gives a F about me Only what they get from me  So if the bombshell drops You can’t say you didn’t expect it It wasn’t a surprise

How could you not see this coming When you kept insulting me And treating me like trash You had it coming

Paul, why are you so mean Cuz people kept treating me like shit I don’t feel like I should have to apologize I am so done anymore

21-ride- tonight lets ride, lets slide, let the beat drop down tonight.  tonight lets ride, party til the sunrise

we can be eachothers rock, lets cuddle,69, we dont need to fight, we can do our own thing, dont care(give a fuck)if the world judges us, as long as we are happy and nobody gets hurt

tonight lets ride, lets slide, pull our undies off our ankles tonight(blow eachother), tonight lets ride, party til the sunrise, party til the morn then sleep all day then do it all over again

22-destiny is dismise-if it was destiny why does it bring demise if is was supposed to be light why is it raining things going on beyond my understanding there has to be a reason unexplained

was this the plan reaching for arms that are not there listening for a voice that can no longer speak wish i paid more attention

cant remember why or what the reasons were, unable to recite, dont know the way to go, never really knew, i am just making shit up, couldn't be ever more lost

23-too late- it is too late 4 love. it is too late 4 love....Is it 2 late to turn the car around and not crash.Is it 2 late to get back on track.

Is it 2 late to go back And make amends To try to take back awful things done and said and be friends again

Is it too late to repair the void Everything feels so empty Now don’t know what is the answer 

All I really want is for everyone to get along again But maybe it is too much No easy fixes Only tough breaks Why does this have to be?  

Is it too late to apologize Is it too late for peace Is it too late for sleep Is it too late to be happy again I wish I could smile But I’m too scared

Too anxious too sad Sometimes hard to cheer up Is it too late to Uturn Get back on the right road 

Is it too late to make changes To try to take back the awful things done and said and be friends again I hope it’s not too late I am afraid it is too late. it is too late 4 love. it is too late 4 love

24-last time 2 love- It is the last time, It is the last time, it is the last time to love

Never again Will I have your arms to hold. Never again Will you be mine. It’s a little too late 

All I wanted was a second chance But I only got one shot And I failed

It’s the last time to love All my friends are now enemies I tried to love you But you hate me Can’t make something if it ain’t there.. 

It is the last time, It is the last time, it is the last time to love

Nothing like before Can’t believe we’re in this war Why did everything become so nuclear (Can we) Is there a way to undo this

Tick tock is the countdown to armegeddon The world is ending in one second Who are my allies Who are my friends  why does it feels like I’m left here all alone

It’s the last time to love All the places to turn to have gone cold Nothing left to look back to. It is the last time, It is the last time, it is the last time to love.  Will things ever begin again

25-learn 2 forget-As quick as I got the picture(How can I)Why can’t I erase it.  

You turned it on and slammed the breaks I still feel that crash like it was yesterday

You left your imprint (Unforgivable)I wished we could’ve been friends 

But you instigated Interrogated and over stepped your boundaries(take what u want me 2 be & leave me with nothing)

Now I am trying to not hate you Trying to learn to forget you  Step back Reverse Back to before I ever met you 

Would it change part the situation I can’t believe that I layed down for you

Some things are a blur But I remember how you talked down on me like I was nothing 

But you’ll always be something in the back of my head Now I am trying to learn to forget you. 

trying to learn to forget you. so hard to hide the hate. in all of the action i know i will never be able to really forget in time

but i try not to let this define me and try to stay in control of my own behavior try to not let this forever stain my picture

chapter#10- Levelz of crazy 

01-end 2 begin-End to begin,Finish to start,Crawl to walk,Stop to go,Tear down to build,Die to live,Say goodbye to say hello,End to begin

Should I love thy neighbor?!?..  They say treat each other with respect But some put the knife to your back. Be careful b4 you cast your stones.

Cuz everybody wants to rule the world But don’t want to take on the blame. Everybody wants to play the game But doesn’t want to lose

Everybody wants their share But nobody wants to get their hands dirty. everybody wants to shoot but Nobody wants to be a target. Find another scapegoat to label Cuz we all try to act so innocent

There is some things people do and say That I feel crosses the line But most of the time I try to keep my mouth shut Cuz I don’t want to be in the spotlight

Bullies bullying bullies Most of the time I try to hide in the corner (under the radar) But sometimes even I was the instigator

Everybody wants to rule the world But nobody wants to take the blame. Everybody wants to play the game But don’t want to lose.

Everybody wants their share But nobody wants to get their hands dirty. everybody wants to shoot but nobody wants to be a target  find another scapegoat to label cuz we all try to act so innocent

We all feel like pawns trying to be king, kings trying to take out pawns, just be careful,Know thy enemy, Keep all eyes open at all times Even at the back of your head

Just remember nothing and nobody is safe and no time is promised (war4peace)

End to begin,Finish to start,Crawl to walk,Stop to go,Tear down to build,Die to live,Say goodbye to say hello,End to begin, it must end for things to begin again

02-doormat- No solutions only complications.  No apologies just declarations (of war). Don’t slow down just speed up! (rush) Take the money and run!

Instead of trying to find a vaccination. You’re spreading the infection. Sugarcoat it with candy covered lies. 

How am I supposed to believe when you twist it time after time. YO!

You’re the ignorance of compliance. Doing what the man said so. to set his grandkids retirement. while you labor til you die.

do you even see everytime he robs you blind, yet you keep coming back, can't you see you look like a fool. you did it to yourself

follow but don’t lead. don’t you see youre planting the seed. 

U try to create chaos & confusion to mislead people to try to trick them in trying to get what U wantbut it is failing & U will be the one who ends up losing....  

UR abrasive and divisive, contradicting and controlling, but don’t know how to react when the cycle breaks in your face, YO!

cuz you keep coming back to the bed you burned. sucked me dry and left me on the curb. what makes you think you deserve me.

after all of the times you went behind my back to assist the people who kept selling you out.

did U see they didnt care they were holding U down and i am through with giving myself away to ppl who just dont care

03-snake-(creepy crawler)  you're a....., no, don't apologize, you know what you done was totally intentional.  to steal from, sabotage and blacklist me. do yourself a favor and just leave me alone

i dont want to be asociated with your sneaky behavior. you are creepy crawling under my skin. you're a snake, a little too close for comfort. dont want to feed you infomation that you'd use against me

you're a 2xrepeater you were never sorry plotting to take me under again you're creepy crawling (under my skin) 

you're not the pretty princess you portray. i wish i could take your mask off and reveal the wicked witch you are

 you're a creepy crawler, creepy crawling under my skin. you're a snake, a little too close for comfort. 

dont want to feed you info if you are going turn around behind me to bite me and use it to hurt me

you're a backstabber, blackmailer, a toxic person. i tryed to give you the benefit of the doubt and you came back and bite me time after time, never again

youre a ...., you resemble a satan bible roller committing evil sins against the very people who prayed for you, how could you be so vile.would it offend you if i say it?, you're a.....,  snake.

04-last night- live like it could be your last night, this could be your last night, we livin like it is our last night

no we dont need to fucking apologize we waited for so long we may never get another chance

live like it could be your last night, this could be your last night, we livin like it is our last night what if this was your last night of your life

05-vacation- vacation on a computer screen are you ever even home? online but distant are you even real

virtual fake reality you are always on your phone but you never answer my calls where are you, on vacation?

digital not visual is it genuine? vacation on a computer screen are you ever even home? are you always on vacation?

06-bomb-harborage of feelings, feelings of anger, feelings of pain, stuffed deep down inside with no outlet, what happens when it all comes out? BOOM!!!.......

you've got a bomb in your head,a B,B,bomb in your head just waiting to detonate, you've got a bomb in youre head,a B,B,bomb in your head just waiting to detonate,d'you even know

you built it up kept it inside everything is about to boil you managed to master fakery but you can't fake a bomb. a bomb. a B,B,bomb!   

you've got a bomb in your head,a B,B,bomb in your head just waiting to detonate, you've got a bomb in youre head,a B,B,bomb in your head just waiting to detonate,d'you even know

you're accumulating anger and bagagge and everybody is using it as thier entertainment  you don't see U are thier catch of the day. you realize to them you mean nothing

you've got a bomb in your head,a B,B,bomb in your head just waiting to detonate, you've got a bomb in youre head,a B,B,bomb in your head just waiting to detonate,d'you even know

07-no goodbye- Is there a home To a life you’ve never known Is it just make believe Can’t seem to justify why does nothing make sense

Nothing feels real Its It’s like watching a movie But only seeing black and white, No goodbye

Run don’t walk,No time to crawl,You think you are alright Then it turns upside down Can’t seem to turn it around

They laugh at your face And throw it in your face Then take it away. It’s alright,I don’t need it anyway

Go on with your life And leave me alone I am stronger more than you know Before you know We won’t know each other anymore,No goodbye

I’ll just leave you in your head With all of your doubts And all of your lies Then time will come Who needs who in the passing time.

Run don’t walk No time to crawl You turn things around Flip it upside down And laugh in my face Then throw it in my face Then take it away It’s alright I don’t need this anyway

Go on with your life And leave me alone Before you know We won’t know each other anymore No goodbye... We don’t know each other anymore,No goodbye...

08-one note- (intro- ?s unanswerable lost in the puzzle that can't be completed. the missing piece is thrown away.

missed the mark, forgot what I needed, keep fucking up making the same stupid mistakes over and over again)

there was things on my mind I feel like I needed you to know but I feel like you won't care 

if I did what I needed to do say what i needed to say you'd want nothing to do with me

everytime I try to reach out people slam the door on me you were who I thought could be the one 

you act like you are fine without me like I was invalid and you didn't seem to need me at all

but just know as time passes I think I am finding that sometimes it is better to be alone than to be tied down to someone who doesn't apprieciate me

I think I would like to bring some closure and end this chapter once and for all and stop playing this one note song

09-could be home-  this could be home if I only listen to myself found myself lost again going in circles in the middle of nowhere

not recognizing any faces nothings familiar not feeling quite myself this could be home just denying all of the things I run from

but it is everything i know this could be home just living a lie why are you scared its not like you havent been here before so what do you have to be afraid of

this could be home if you let it in if you want it to be if you make it to be

along the highway drive away dont want to come back home  along the highway drive away maybe you dont want to come back home

along the highway drive away where you end up could be home  maybe this could be home. this could be home

red light off pull over the interstate eyes crashing for sleep neon lights paralyze you maybe this is the place you want to escape from the rest of the world

maybe you dont want to come back. maybe this could be home. this could be home.  home is wherever you make it to be

10-life begins today-  are you quiting on yourself, walking out of your concience, are you letting yourself go

no this wasnt the way things were supposed to end turn down my family and my friends let one bad day spoil all of the good ones

i know i need to stop quiting on myself i know deep down that I am better than this why do i put myself this way  why do i keep depriving and denying myself

life begins today whatever is in the past is on the backburn can not be controlled. i am just trying to be better than what i was yesterday. yesterday is now in the trash. life begins today

11-never enough- why do i keep putting myself in the same position? why do i stay lost? why do i keep chasing highway runaways?  not good. not right for me.

keep putting in but seems not enough for you it seems like you dont care keep giving but it seems never enough for you i guess my feelings dont matter

am i supposed to sacrifice everything i have just to kill me off and leave me at the side of the road do just i give my life away 4 nothing lay myself down 4 you to take advantage of me

i dont feel welcome in this world dont feel good enough 4 anyone dont feel valid in this world

i waste all of my time all my effort is never enough you throw me away when you are done with me you dont let me get my needs

12-don't pretend- no dont pretend as the buildings are crashing down. did you see this play out before

why did U stay and wait? I've gotta go now and rescue myself. I tryed to reach my hand but you didnt want the help

you just wanted to knock somebody down like me to make you look better

I don't care anymore just full of apathy. i don't care sick of hearing the lies. tired of being blind. i can't fake this anymore

13-excuses- ok go ahead and tell me all of your excuses. go ahead and tell me just how f-d up your life is

keep feeding me lie after lie you keep believing yet you keep falling what is the reason for it

i feel like you are trying to push all of your problems on to me and frame me and blame me for your mistakes

keep telling me all of your excuses for some reason i just dont believe you. keep going, you bore me 

14-dont let me know-   please dont let me know it is too painful to hold on don't let me know its too painful to hold on, dont let me know

please don't reind me of the failures we can't erase is it constructive to tear eachother down please hold up dont do it. it is more than what my heart can take

please dont let me know it is too painful to hold on don't let me know its too painful to hold on, dont let me know

please just go. I don't want to know whats at the end of the road I'm afraid its another heartbreaking tragedy. don't let me know

please dont let me know it is too painful to hold on don't let me know its too painful to hold on, dont let me know

15-where are we going?(dead end) where are we going if we are not moving ahead? there is no way we can pretend everything is completely wrong. I don't see a recovery. just a dead end.

we keep hiding everything, never knowing the truth, i don't really know how much more can be taken in of this. so help us now as we ride farther in this downfall. 

where are we going everything seems to be a dead end. a roundabout circling the drain. stuck in this vicious cycle so everything stays the same. another one goes down

please help us now. this is a good way to die. and if i was to abide i'd be raped and left with nothing again.

where are we going? free falling is this downfall (downfall) why keep accelerating knowing this is a dead end. you know that this is a dead end. take this sacrifice and trade it for nothing at all

where are we going? free falling is this downfall (downfall) why keep accelerating knowing this is a dead end. you know that this is a dead end. (dead end) where are we going?

16-to the end- i'll try to go to the end go to the end with you whatever it may be whatever life brings

i'll try to go to the end of time whatever is meant to be is there a countdown why is life such a race please just slow down

is  there a reason or are these just aimless decisions guess time will tell if we found an answer

i'll try to stick to the end with you please don't give up on me i'll try not to give up on you

17-half gone- the journey goes on even when you stop the war is not over even when you are lost

life does not end when you die just cause you can't speak doesnt mean that nobody hears your cries i'll try to be here we are all half gone

i'll try to be here for you we are all slipping away sometimes birth doesnt begin til death sometimes you have to lose to know what you have

i'll try to be here even though we are all at different levels of crazy i'll try to save you would you save me

18-champion- no matter what you are the champion my friend dont stop fighting til the end you are the champion my friend dont stop fighting you got this! I'm your #1 fan

keep calm and game on be brave and never give up remember the good times and try to set the differances aside cuz we are a team right

keep calm and game on be brave do you never give give you got this i believe in you stay weird i believe in you remember the good times and motor on cuz life is a highway do it your way

motor on never stop be brave stay weird stay you. you don't have to change for anyone life is a highway do it your way never stop motor on

cuz you are the champion my friend dont stop fighting til the end you are the champion my friend dont stop fighting dont give in you got this

you are more than what you think you are. more than what you give yourself credit for. dont think that you are not needed or not valueable we love you and dont want to lose you please dont go

i believe in you i believe in you motor on

19-not extinct-You thought you killed me You thought you got the best of me You thought you broke me down  But you only made me see That I’m still alive

You didn’t break my heart You didn’t crush my soul You almost finished me When you left me bleeding But I’m going to show you That I’m not extinct I’m not dead Not at all

You had me for a fall You caught me while I was blind But never again Will I take your side You played me to the left And almost got my best But I’m going to show you That I’m still around

I’m not fossilized I’m just experienced I’m not extinct I’m not dead

You didn’t break my heart You didn’t crush my soul You almost finished me When you left me bleeding  But I’m going to make you realize That I’m still alive I won’t let you kill me I’m not dead,Not at all

20-dirty- dirty doer your so clever you have me blind unsuspecting and had me for a fall i couldnt recover from so dirty you knew how to perfectly ruin me run me into the ground leaving no trace no sound

you knew how to rob everyone completly blind and make everyone else look like they were doing the crime such a crying shame but who am I to say

dirty doer double timer triple batter when do you ever strike out

dirty doer your so clever you have me blind unsuspecting and had me for a fall i couldnt recover from  so dirty you knew how to perfectly run me into the ground leaving no trace no sound

you knew how to rob everyone completly blind and make everyone else look like they were doing the crime such a crying shame but who am I to say

21-lose you love me- I lost you to find me,It was a tearjerker yesterday A rejoyce tomorrow,I’ll throw it all away , Tired of holding on to things that don’t matter

Trying to pave my own lane Not stuck on the wheels you are steering Lose you to love me

I don’t need nobody trying manipulate me I don’t need a girl. I don’t need a boy. I’ve got myself.  Lose you to find me, Lose you to love me

22-let the lights go out-  Do I love myself enough to let you go? Cuz it is not worth it to chase a car that left you on the side of the road for dead after it ran you over isnt it

Do I love myself enough to move on Why should I hold on to someone who is never there who doesn't care I’ll take these feet and walk away You gave me reasons not to stay 

I felt like I was never good enough for you so I gave up on you  So now you cant have me

Lessons learned Bridges burned Pages turned Never looking back We cant be who we were or where we was yesterday

maybe the wrong choices were made but they can't be taken back I am learning to deal with it (just deal with it) maybe it was the right one all along

trying to get the gist of what I think it was about but what does it matter now? maybe it is not meant to recreate

trying to get a hold of myself instead of chasing you as you are leaving. trying to find something clever to do rather than something clever to say.

but is seems almost hopeless now. it seems almost certain that you hate me. all of these mistakes i can't erase (or change)

I'm adding to my list of enemies and I'm sure they are all out to get me I think I have done myself in this time I cant escape

so let the lights go out the show is over and there is nothing left of us. let the lights go out. I don't want to see anymore. 

let the lights go out. there is nothing left of us. let the lights go out. let the lights go out

23-sunrise,sundown-sunrise, sundown cant wait for this to all go down, to come back up again, cant wait to see this play out, tired of the guessing game

maybe i am the assassin, murdering that was before. maybe i am the villian, tired of playing nice. but you know you were doing the same.

24-good good night-  good good night. may all of your unintentional wrongs turn to rights

good good night. may all of your wars turn to peace i hope you can find some source of comfort amidst the chaos

good good night sometimes it is better to let go than to hold on so good good night

good good night dont let the aching suffer anymore and don't sign up to be somebodys whore with nothing to gain

if it aint a two way street then it is an dead end. your gut usually has the answer. dont force it. dont fight it. dont let yourself suffer anymore

good good night i hope you sleep peacefully and whatever meant to be will come its way

good good night i hope that tomorrow something comes better. good good night.....   good good night.